+- Knockturn Bound (https://staging.knockturnbound.net)
+-- Forum: Portkeys (https://staging.knockturnbound.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=14)
+--- Forum: The Wizarding World (https://staging.knockturnbound.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=71)
+---- Forum: Archive (https://staging.knockturnbound.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=246)
+----- Forum: Hogwarts Archives (https://staging.knockturnbound.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=247)
+------ Forum: 1920 - 1921 (https://staging.knockturnbound.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=248)
+------- Forum: In Character (https://staging.knockturnbound.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=249)
+------- Thread: I Told You Things || Bae Snaps (/showthread.php?tid=592)
Pages:
1
2
I Told You Things || Bae Snaps - Ruth Elliot - 10-18-2025
Wednesday, February 9, 1921
Not far from the shoreline
12:36 AM
Not far from the shoreline
12:36 AM
It had snowed all day. The pillowy blankets of snow that covered the ground reflected the moon's light in an ethereal display. The tracks that had marred the smooth surface from the constant back and forth of students travelling the grounds were covered up by a second snowfall earlier, around the time curfew had started. Now, there was a solitary pair of indentations, casting shadows against the almost shimmering snow.
One belonged to the half-kneazle that bounded ahead with reckless abandon, searching for creatures hidden in the snow. The other belonged to the girl whose deep imprints trailed all the way back from the large double doors of the entrance hall.
Her patrol of the lake had been over more than an hour ago, but like many nights, she couldn't convince herself to go back inside. Not yet. Rae had always been one for nighttime wandering, often needing it to clear her head and chase her demons far enough away that she could finally fall asleep. The girl was used to the chaos inside her mind and the heaviness in her chest that usually accompanied her on these walks. More often than not, they subsided on their own. Sometimes, it required greater effort on her part to drive them out.
The latter was the case that night.
On top of the usual suspects, there were now newer and louder horrors ringing in her head.
Most of the castle had gone to bed and had taken any remaining sources of distractions with them. That left her, a haunted soul with no home, drifting along the grounds in search of relief.
Rae knew she couldn't mope and sulk forever. It wasn't practical, and it wasn't productive. At some point, she'd have to accept the events of the prior days. In some ways, she already had. When it mattered, when it came down to it, Benji hadn't been able to pick her, and that was that. There was nothing more to it, no matter how much she wished there was. There was nothing left to talk about. Nothing left to fight for if he didn't want to fight with her.
Accepting all that wasn't the hard part. Rae was used to having things thrown at her that she had no control over, and was just as used to loss. It was the ache that proved hard to manage. Understanding didn't make it easier, nor did it soften the vice-like squeeze around her heart.
Walking wasn't helping. Her stinging arms had been of little help either. She didn't know what to do with herself or whether anything she did made any difference. Rae tried telling herself to be strong, but she'd never felt weaker. How did you miss someone who threw you away because you would make their life too hard otherwise? Somehow, she'd found a way, and she hated herself for it.
In the distance, she spotted another figure. None of her business, really. Rae didn't make a habit of busting others, not unless they'd made a real nuisance of themselves. Whoever it was seemed to just be on their way.
She didn't think much of it until Echo took off, sprinting with a new burst of energy toward them. Without warning, the creature pounced on them, climbing them quickly to nuzzle at their neck.
Her half-kneazle was friendly but never so much unless...
Oh, no.
RE: I Told You Things || Bae Snaps - Benji Laurence - 10-18-2025
It had snowed all day.
His European DNA would protest otherwise, but Benji wasn't a big fan of the cold. He was built for it, his body strong and able to pack on the extra food that would keep him warm throughout the harshest of them. But he hated the way it penetrated his skin, soaked into his muscles and iced over his bones until he could do nothing but shiver against the harshness of it.
He'd remained inside throughout all of it, finding things to keep himself busy so as not to let his mind wander to places he'd rather not go. He'd done well at first. Sketching always centered his focus and led him to a place where everything else but his muse disappeared...except.
All he could draw was her.
At first, he hadn't realized it. They were just eyes, dark and almond-shaped, accentuated by soft eyelashes and a curl that fell across one. Then her cheekbones had appeared, high and raised with the soft smile he drew across her lips. His eyes had lingered on them a moment, remembering the way they felt against his, and he'd turned the page quickly to start over.
Curls. Tiny frame. Tears. Rage. Joy. He drew all of them without realizing it until it was too late. He couldn't escape her.
Wandering was better in some ways. While his mind raced, his hands and eyes remained stationary and unbothered by the wraith of her absence. It had been a long four days since they'd broken up. Since she said she didn't want him anymore. Since his life and the new restrictions put upon him had changed him into someone she couldn't stomach. Could he blame her?
If Benji thought long and hard about it...no. He couldn't blame her. She had a right to say that what he'd done was unacceptable and that it wasn't something she could tolerate. It was his right to say what he'd done was the only acceptable thing. It didn't make either of them wrong. Just fundamentally incompatible now.
It also didn't mean that it didn't hurt more than anything he'd ever felt in his life.
His walk took him out into the snow he currently loathed, goosebumps already prickling along his arms. His breath billowed out from his lips in white clouds as he tugged his coat around him a little tighter. The stars were absent, completely hidden by the dark clouds above him as soft snowflakes fell across his cheeks, clinging to the beginnings of facial hair he'd never been able to grow before.
It was quiet, peaceful, and absent of any...
Tiny claws were suddenly working its way up his chest, vibrations of a strong purr meeting his ears as Echo buried herself into his neck with aggressively affectionate nuzzles. For a moment he forgot, his eyes excited and searching for her owner when - he remembered again.
Hazel eyes fell on deep mahogany, his heart clenching in an ache he'd grown all too familiar with over the past few days. His lips parted slightly, as his hand instinctively went to the half-kneazle, stroking her head softly as she butted his jaw.
"Sorry," he said, though he wasn't sure for what. For disturbing her? For running into her? For...Echo still liking him at least. His other hand gently went to the little creature, lifting her off his shoulder, even against her protestant mew, and gave her a gentle stroke before taking a few steps towards Ruth and holding Echo out to her.
His mouth opened again, but nothing came out.
RE: I Told You Things || Bae Snaps - Ruth Elliot - 10-18-2025
"Sorry."
Yeah. So was she.
Rae was sorry about a lot of things. Sorry, she'd chosen to remain by the lake as long as she had, sorry she'd run into him, sorry she'd bothered to try fighting in the end, sorry...sorry it had ended the way it did at all.
Never, not even when they'd screamed, not even when he'd tried walking over the summer, did Rae imagine things would turn out this way. There wasn't a future she'd imagined that didn't have him in it, even with all her fears blaring loud messages at her that it wouldn't last. Of course, they should've lasted. Trauma-bonded gremlins from the streets who'd seen the worst in each other? They were gonna conquer the world someday. Them against a world that told them they'd always been wrong and useless. Back to baack, side to side, hand in hand, there wasn't meant to be anything big enough to make them give up.
Maybe she'd been stupid to believe. Over and over, she'd let her heart bleed, refusing to let him go. Chasing, screaming, begging, and what had it gotten her except heartbreak? Who had it served? Hard as she'd fought, she'd still lost.
The system that sought to swallow him was too big and too scary. Selfish as she wanted to be, Rae understood. She couldn't ask him to throw everything away, not for her. Who was she in the grander scheme of what he needed to become? What right did she have to tell him what was right or wrong? At the same time, she knew. As intimately as she knew her own name, her desires, and her hopes, Rae knew that she couldn't go on the way he was asking her to. All her life spent fighting to make decisions for herself and her body, to have grown men in ivory towers telling her--not even really her, otherwise she'd have easily ignored it--all the way out in the Scottish Highlands how to be in a relationship she'd considered sacred and just for them.
It wasn't the two of them anymore. It was now four, and that arrangement was far too crowded for her liking.
"It's fine." She reached out to take Echo, cradling the feline against her chest so she wouldn't have the chance to wiggle free again.
No crime was committed. He was still allowed to hold Echo, and she could still rub against him if she wanted. They...they were still friends, right? Something resembling friends?
They hadn't spoken in days. Not since the breakup, but they'd never said they were mad at each other. She certainly wasn't, only sad. Or maybe he was the one mad at her. He'd given her the rules he wanted to follow, and she hadn't tried to follow them with him; she busted out of them and left.
Friends talked to each other. They laughed. They hung out.
Without another word, Rae turned and headed back the way she'd come from.
They could try to be friends...another day. Her chest still hurt too much.
RE: I Told You Things || Bae Snaps - Benji Laurence - 10-19-2025
"It's fine."
It didn't seem fine. Before Benji could find the words he thought maybe he wanted to say, she was leaving.
He stood there, unmoving as she turned and walked back the way she'd come. He wanted to call after her, run after her even. He wanted to beg her to talk to him, to help him work all of this out so they could fix it. He didn't want to feel his heart tearing itself apart. He didn't want to miss her so terribly that it felt like a part of him had been ripped away. He didn't want to sit with this guilt that plagued him so relentlessly he couldn't focus on anything else.
He took a step after her and then another. He could...he could make it right. Another step.
He stopped. A deep breath as his shoulders heaved deeply. She didn't want him. She'd said it. He wouldn't bother her. The boy pulled his hood over his head and turned to head back to the castle.
He still had a stash in one of the broom closets. It would warm him up at least.
If it were possible it was even colder in the forest than it was by the icy lake. Colder than the love that had withered between him and the only girl that had ever meant something beyond friendship to him. Colder than the emptiness he felt taking over every inch of him as each day passed, the only contrasting feeling being the warm cigarette between his lips.
Smoke filled his mouth, traveling down his throat and into his lungs, causing that sweet burn that let him know a part of him - even the smallest part - could still feel something. He hadn't smoked in over a year and a half, yet it was almost comical how easy it was to take up again. He knew the reasons he'd quit. All valid, all reasonable.
None of them were louder than the voice that told him he needed it. What was the big deal? It was just a smoke. And if it helped him focus on something else, then it was fine. He wasn't a twelve-year-old kid anymore.
He sat on the wooden platform he and some former friends had put together a few years back, letting the cigarette dangle between his lips as he rummaged through his bag. There was a time he'd spent his afternoons here, talking about girls and other bullshit that didn't matter in the end. Now, he was alone. It was preferable, he figured, than being surrounded by people that didn't actually see you or have your best interest at heart.
Maybe it was what the boy was destined for, he mused. He'd always truly been alone. As a toddler, when he'd fell into the river. When he shielded his sister from his mother's rage. When he crawled out the back door of their home and into the alley where he cried, black and blue all over. When he'd come to Hogwarts. And everything that had happened after.
Except he'd had Rae. The only one besides Kate that ever felt like his.
He tossed his bag to the side, realizing he'd forgotten the drink he'd meant to bring with him and pulled the smoke from his lips, ashing it and blowing the smoke out through his nostrils. A crack of twigs sounded below him, and ensuring it wasn't an acromantula, the boy leaned over to look.
Her.
RE: I Told You Things || Bae Snaps - Ruth Elliot - 10-19-2025
Her breathing was ragged, her chest protesting against the dry, cold air along the grounds. Rae had exhausted her list. In a moment that had become rare for her Saturdays, the girl had no club activity nor a hospital wing shift to keep her occupied. At first, she'd told herself it would be a chance to practice more of her spellwork, but it didn't take long to realise that she couldn't focus.
Usually, when she found herself with so much free time, the logical answer had always been to find Benji and hope he was equally free. Sometimes they chatted, sometimes it was Quidditch practice or mutual silence while they partook in their own hobbies, her head in his lap and his mind focused on his sketches. And then sometimes...sometimes they did other things she no longer wanted to think about.
Fresh out of options and very close to jumping out of her skin, Rae had gotten changed into more comfortable clothing and had headed out for an afternoon run. The lack of snow in the prior week made it easier without slush or thick pockets of snow to add slip or resistance. In truth, she hadn't meant to get as far as the forest, planning to circle back as soon as she hit the edge that met the lake, but the thought of stopping was more horrifying than the thought of pushing through the burning in her lungs.
Eventually, though, she did stop. When her lungs were close to bursting and they screamed at the cutting edge the air had taken on with each breath, the girl knew it was time to take it easy.
She walked now, nimbly making her way through the trees. Her head felt a little light from the exertion, giving her the perfect distraction from all she'd been trying to outrun. With her hands propped at her hips and her steps slow, the girl tried to get her body to come down from its high enough before she pushed herself back into it.
In that small moment of reprieve, she smelled...smoke?
Hm?
Looking in every direction, she didn't spot anyone or anything. Nothing on fire. That wasn't the smell of regular smoke anyway. She'd recognise it anywhere. Glancing up into the canopies, she spotted him, but not before she spotted the cigarette clutched between his fingers.
Rae's heart sank instantly. He was already back to old habits. His vices had reclaimed him in her absence, and she would never have known had she not stumbled upon him. She had to keep walking; she knew she did. It wasn't any of her business what the boy did anymore. She'd walked away from what they had, unable to reconcile what he'd asked of her. That meant...that meant that she could no longer care.
Except...in her mind, they were still friends, and...and she was still allowed to care for her friends...
Were this any of the others...yes...yes, she wouldn't just walk by. Without thinking and with an eerie calm, the girl crouched, picking up a rock that fit perfectly into the palm of her hand. Straightening, she watched him for a silent moment, trying to convince herself she shouldn't be so invested anymore...except...now she was...angry. Benji was destroying himself again, and if confronted, she knew he'd give the bullshit excuse that it made him feel good and maybe he wasn't as strong as everyone thought.
Nonsense.
"You fucking idiot!" She hurled the rock her thumb had been caressing, aiming straight for the boy up in his loft, far removed from the ground below and reality.
Feeling herself shake, she reached down again, searching the forest floor for another that would be small enough to manage but big enough to make a difference if he didn't move out of the way fast enough. Rae hurled it next with equally deadly intent.
"Get down from that platform and put that fucking thing out. Don't make me come up there!" Because she wasn't meant to. Rae wasn't meant to care anymore. Whether Benji wanted to turn himself into a chimney with rotting lungs that gave out prematurely or he wanted to bury himself under the tide of booze that she KNEW he must still have been partaking in, it...was meant to be his choice to make. Just like it had been his choice to stick closely to his uncle's rules at the expense of her.
Rae couldn't say when or how she'd gotten the third rock into her hand, but seconds from tossing it, she forced herself still.
There she went, caring too much again. The crazy girl, the one with too many feelings who did insane things. Did this count as hitting? She'd kept her hands to herself, but...she didn't think Benji would find rocks any better.
And maybe she didn't care.
Maybe she didn't care what he thought of her anymore if he didn't think she was worth fighting for. Maybe she'd never meant that much.
Fuck it. She threw the third rock, too.
RE: I Told You Things || Bae Snaps - Benji Laurence - 10-20-2025
They held each other's gaze, frozen in the moment between recognition and withdrawal. It was inevitable. Rae was a wanderer just as he was, and they often headed to the same places. As large as Hogwarts was, the grounds themselves weren't big enough to keep Ruth Elliot out of his path, and as he stared down at her, Benji thought...maybe Beauxbatons wouldn't be such a terrible idea.
"You fucking idiot!"
Something small and hard slammed into his forehead, causing the boy to groan in pain and clutch the place of impact. "What the fuck?!" he shouted, realizing she'd hit him with a goddamn rock. "Are you actually crazy?!" It was a rhetorical question, one that he knew good and well the answer to.
"Get down from that platform and put that fucking thing out. Don't make me come up there!"
She wasn't his mum! She couldn't tell him what to do. Benji could smoke whatever and however much he wanted, and she could mind her own business! She threw another rock, and he dodged quickly, throwing his hand up at her in incredulity. "Knock it off!" He snuffed out the cigarette, not because she wanted him to, but because he had plenty more and he couldn't very well climb down with one in his hand. "I can do what I want!"
She was gearing up to throw a third, and just as the boy, scooted to the edge of the platform, bracing himself jump, it hit him square in the chest. That was it.
The boy jumped down, feet landing hard on the forest floor. When he straightened, he reached out to grab her by the arm, not caring an iota how much she screamed or cussed at him. "We talked about this! You don't get to hurt me when you're mad. Or sad...or..." he trailed off, pulling himself together. He took a step back, keeping his hands out at his side and away from her.
"I know you do your shit too." He wasn't stupid. He knew Rae and knew her well. He wasn't the only one reverting to bad habits and vices. "Things just suck right now, okay?"
It would get better. For both of them. It had to.
RE: I Told You Things || Bae Snaps - Ruth Elliot - 10-20-2025
"I can do what I want!"
Ah yes, the friendly reminder she'd been trying to give to herself but had been too stubborn to listen to. Benji Laurence didn't answer to her. He wasn't obligated by any means to listen to her or take anything she said into consideration. It was like she'd tried to remind herself; if the boy wanted to turn himself into a chimney, there was nothing she needed to do to stop him.
He came down like she'd told him to, cigarette gone, and she recoiled at his sudden advance before his own eruption.
"We talked about this! You don't get to hurt me when you're mad. Or sad...or..."
"You're right, I did promise." Funny how easily people could break those. "I'm sorry and hope you're okay," she offered stiffly, not bothering to glance at either place she'd gotten him with the rocks. She invited this onto herself. Again. Had she kept walking like every muscle in her body had insisted, the boy could've continued to have a good day and she wouldn't be reminded with such clarity that her brand of care was abrasive and too much.
She shouldn't have chucked rocks at him. Truly. She shouldn't have. Had they been together, she'd have done worse at the sight of the boy she loved destroying himself but she was only a bystander in his life now. It was up to her to learn this new role so she didn't keep aggravating him and herself both.
"I know you do your shit too. Things just suck right now, okay?"
She ignored the former. What she chose to do after the sun went down was none of his business. Rae supposed, then, that whatever he did in the daytime was...probably also none of hers.
She didn't like it but there wasn't much choice. The girl WOULD be mad every time she saw him falling. If she continued to care, continued to meddle, she would only make herself mad on account of the boy who so flippantly reminded her that 'things suck right now'. Raw scrunched her nose at him. "You say that like you're not the reason they suck." She hadn't starved herself of the familiar touch that bought them closer, she didn't decide to include her father and his uncle in their relationship. She wasn't the one who'd insisted on making things weird indefinitely until someone else gave them permission to live and love again.
"I'm sorry about the rocks. Do whatever the fuck you want."
When had she ever been able to stop him?
Side stepping him, Rae took off at a run again, ready to forget the encounter had happened. She would have to be more careful. She coudn't keep bleeding out onto the floor every time she saw him in pain or in danger of himself.
It wasn't her job anymore.
RE: I Told You Things || Bae Snaps - Benji Laurence - 10-22-2025
"You're right, I did promise. I'm sorry and hope you're okay.”
Her apology staggered him, throwing him off from the rant he was about to level at her, causing him to take a physical step back. Ruth Elliot wasn’t one to apologize easily, and having been ready for a real confrontation, he wasn’t exactly sure what to say. “I-I’m fine,” he finally said with a brief shrug of his shoulders.
He wasn’t fine. Not due to the rocks; that pain would wear off in a minute or two, but there was no other part of Benji that felt fine. Rather, the boy felt as though a chasm had ripped open right through the middle of him, swallowing every bit of happiness he’d found in the last year. Standing here in front of her, wanting nothing more than to ask her to understand, to help him find a way to somehow make everything alright, he had nothing.
"You say that like you're not the reason they suck."
It felt cruel almost. A sharp stab shot through his chest, but he said nothing. She was probably right. It didn’t matter what he did or tried to do, either way it would be wrong. And that wasn’t her fault. It was his. He had to be wrong somewhere and he’d chosen to be wrong with her. That was on him, whether he liked it or not, whether he thought it was the right thing or not. It was something he had to accept.
Just like he had to accept the consequences that came with that choice. “I know,” he said with a nod. He wouldn’t argue with her. She was right. “But,” he took a step towards her, as she side-stepped him, the words he wanted to say lodging themselves in his throat.
"I'm sorry about the rocks. Do whatever the fuck you want."
The boy swallowed hard, letting the words he wanted to say die with it. Whatever he wanted. What did he want? For once, Benji wasn’t sure anymore.
All he knew was that he was getting sick of the way his chest wouldn’t stop aching.
RE: I Told You Things || Bae Snaps - Ruth Elliot - 10-23-2025
Tuesday, February 22, 1921
The stables, CoMC class
3:45 PM
The stables, CoMC class
3:45 PM
"Here." Rae extended the brush for him to take.
The day's lesson saw them working with the aethonans. It was only their second class working with them, and Professor Barlowe intended to instill the correct care methods for the creatures. The day before, they focused mostly on theory, with some time spent at the end allowing them to introduce themselves to the creatures they would be spending the rest of the week with. There weren't enough to go around, certainly not enough to give the impression anyone might own their own personal steed. Instead, they'd been put in pairs.
Professor Barlowe, when she and Benji had drawn the same winged horse, had given a short but firm talk on keeping whatever 'nonsense' they had going on out of his stables. There couldn't have been a soul in the castle that didn't know by now, a month into their breakup, that the two were not on good terms. The man didn't care to know why--and had likely already gotten the story from Julia. He only cared that it didn't affect his creatures.
His fears were unfounded.
Rae wasn't trying to scream at Benji anymore. She wasn't trying to be his mother or take any pills for the headaches he suffered. The weekend had been a cold reminder that she was still too invested, and she was actively taking steps to change that. The first step was reminding herself that he was now just a boy like any other, one it didn't hurt to talk to, one she was on perfectly cordial terms with.
She could do that...or...she could try...
That meant handing him the brush so he could straighten the horse's mane and remove the knots while she brushed its powerful legs.
"Be careful, the professor said this one's sensitive." See? This was...this was...fine. It was...okay...
Just a class, just classmates sharing a horse.
RE: I Told You Things || Bae Snaps - Benji Laurence - 10-23-2025
“Here.”
Benji glanced up from sorting through the oils and fur-maintenance potions that he was busying himself with reorganizing. He and Rae had had the dumb luck of drawing the same aethonon, and while he never minded working with her, he preferred not to interact as much as possible, lest they somehow set one another off.
Professor Barlowe had made it clear he wasn’t entertaining any bullshit from them around his creatures, and Benji knew better than to test the man. It was one thing to be fucking around in his barn and hay, even after being told not to. It was another to do anything that would have the man under the impression that his animals were being harassed or in even the slightest danger.
It was easier to keep to himself.
It wasn’t that he didn’t still consider Rae his friend. He did, and wished they could go back to how things had been when they were actually friends, but the boy knew that with all things when it came to him and Rae, that it would just take time. Someday, somehow, they would find their way back. Who knew if it would ever be exactly the same, but something similar maybe.
It was all he could ask for.
He stepped closer, taking the brush from her without a word, and nodded at her warning. Sensitive. He was familiar with sensitive creatures and how to maneuver around them, or at least he thought he was. He watched her from the corner of his eye, as he worked gently through the tangles in the steed’s mane, not unlike when he worked through them on Kate’s hair. A gentle hand firmly near the root so the brush wouldn’t pull and cause pain.
“Rosie asked if you were coming over again this summer,” he said quietly, focusing his gaze on the creature and not at her. “She said you could ride Noir again if you wanted to. Could probably even sleep in her room.” Rosie already had plans for two of her friends to visit over the summer, and seemed eager to get Ruth in the mix as well.
Why she’d asked him about his ex-girlfriend and not the girl directly he didn’t know.
“Unless you’re doing something else?”
RE: I Told You Things || Bae Snaps - Ruth Elliot - 10-23-2025
She took the exercise in strides, brushing in gentle motions along the short hairs, never in one spot for too long before moving on again. With only 15 minutes left of class, all she had to do was remember her breathing and not dwell on any single thought for long. Eventually, her mind would learn on its own not to ruminate. It would stop clinging to the things that were or seeking assurances where there were none.
Just 15 more minutes.
Rae hated that things had even come to this. Their other fights aside, the girl wasn't accustomed to the feeling of not wanting to be near him. If she were being honest, she didn't feel that way even now. Not really.
She knew that what she felt wasn't a desire to be as far away from Benji as possible. What she truly wished to distance herself from was the pain that returned every time she looked at him and remembered what she'd lost. All the moments that were, all the ones that could be. There were times she caught herself wanting to tell him about her day, or wishing she could lie on his lap and pretend nothing else was real for a while, but her pride always snatched her up quickly enough.
It couldn't be like old times. Nothing had changed. Benji was still at the mercy of his uncle and, apparently, her father. They could get back together tomorrow, and they'd just be broken up again by the end of the week. The things that mattered--the ones she needed to be different--were still standing between them, and she wasn't willing to compromise.
Not with this. It felt too important.
“Rosie asked if you were coming over again this summer. She said you could ride Noir again if you wanted to. Could probably even sleep in her room.”
She didn't answer, not at first. Rae had enjoyed her week at Arundel Castle last summer and her ride on Rosie's horse. She'd gotten to go to the beach and ogle a man she no longer liked. It was safe to say the place was saturated with memory. It was also the place Benji had promised her a 'someday' that was bright and warm.
Did she want to go back, knowing he would be there?
"I'll think about it," was all she was prepared to say. "I'll talk to Rosie, see what she's got in mind." Rosie hadn't wronged her. There was no point snubbing one friend because of another.
"I know Billie was talking about another excursion, but nothing's been finalised."
Her hand paused. Brown eyes lifted to search for his on the other side of the creature. Hesitation hung thick in the air for a silent moment.
"Are we friends?"
RE: I Told You Things || Bae Snaps - Benji Laurence - 10-23-2025
"I'll think about it. I'll talk to Rosie, see what she's got in mind."
Benji nodded, turning his attention back to the horse, working out the small knots with gentle, swift strokes. It would be strange wouldn't it, having Rae around and it being so different from last summer? They'd had a great time exploring the castle together, riding around the property and playing in the ocean. He could still remember the way she smiled at him in the water when Julia called them back to shore, her big brown eyes shining with mischief.
It wouldn't be that way this year, but...maybe by then they'd at least be able to talk or hang out and not have it be weird. If she'd even want to come at all. Benji wasn't banking on that she would, but she and Rosie were friends, so maybe she would. He would just stay out of their way and find other things to do.
"I know Billie was talking about another excursion, but nothing's been finalised."
He wanted to ask where, but thought maybe he wasn't allowed to anymore. Would she just tell him it was none of his business? It wasn't really, was it? They were in such a weird place of not being together and not really talking, but he didn't hate her or dislike her. He wanted to be around her, but he didn't know if he should be and -
"Are we friends?"
It stopped him. The boy froze, mid-brush as he hazel eyes found pretty brown. His lips parted, wanting to speak but not sure what to say. She had the same questions he did, and there was a anxiousness permeating between them. He didn't want to be friends. He wanted to be with her...but he'd made that impossible.
He nodded slightly, the motion barely visible. "Yeah pretty," he said softly, sadness overtaking him in a way he'd successfully pushed away in the past few days. His throat swelled with the lump that lodged itself there, and his stomach twisted uncomfortably. He didn't want it, but he'd take anything he could get.
"Of course we're friends. Always."
RE: I Told You Things || Bae Snaps - Ruth Elliot - 10-23-2025
"Yeah pretty."
That name. Rae let it turn over and over in her head, interrogating its sentimentality and the place it held in this new reality. Benji had called her 'pretty' plenty of times. After they started dating, it became an actual nickname. The boy used it in the light moments when there was no ground beneath their feet, just the pair of them floating above the cares of life. He used it in some of their most intimate moments, anchoring her to him. Now, she didn't know why he used it. Nostalgia, perhaps. His own desire for some degree of normalcy.
She discarded it, deciding it held no place anymore. It had no right to make her heart arrhythmic; it would hold no sway in melting her. A name like any other, one he could keep or toss as he liked. The future she envisioned required no such softness, only resolve.
In her case, the resolve to move forward as she'd always done.
"Of course we're friends. Always."
Mm.
Of course, they were friends. Of course. Rae went silent again, her eyes falling to the hide of the creature as contemplation took her. The girl's brows pulled inward, her slight frame still as she mulled over the matter.
That was that then, wasn't it?
Friends. Agreed upon. They could move on.
For as long as she'd known herself, Rae had never been a girl of maybes and uncertainty. That had become even truer after she'd lost her grandmother, and the world suddenly became a confusing and terrifying place. Since then, she'd always grasped at definites where they existed, creating them herself when they didn't. She was never the type to sit on the fence, wondering which side she would land on; she wasn't the girl who liked to tiptoe around, wondering what was or wasn't okay.
She'd needed the time after the breakup to reorient herself and to feel the gravity of her loss. Rae had needed the time to process. In that time, ambiguity wasn't her enemy but the shelter in which she chose to rest.
She was ready to get off the fence now and return to living.
"Alright."
Walking around the horse, she shoved her brush into his hand. "Finish up. I'm going to collect my things from the barn. I suppose I'll grab yours, too. You're sitting with me and Ren at dinner later, don't make us come looking for you. It'll be a hassle while starving."
He'd said friends. She was ready to go back to acting like it. Wallowing in the in-between was counterproductive to the return to normalcy. No matter how awkward, no matter how hurtful, Rae would approach it like she did every other problem in her life: with stubbornness and an iron will. Eventually, pretense would become reality; she only needed to settle into it long enough. Whatever else they'd had may not have been salvageable, but she would reclaim the ease of her friendship one way or the other.
Rae gave the aethonan a final pat on its nose, then turned and left the stables.
RE: I Told You Things || Bae Snaps - Benji Laurence - 10-24-2025
‘Friends’ was a word he’d never thought he’d associate with Ruth again.
When he’d finally plucked up the courage to ask her to be his girlfriend, he’d thought that was the end of all the uncertainty. Making that decision had been a difficult one for the boy who didn’t like to make promises he couldn’t keep. He’d hemmed and hawed over it for months, going back and forth with himself over whether moving their relationship from friends to something more was a good idea, always worried that if he did, he’d fuck it up somehow.
Yet, he’d taken the chance. Decided that he didn’t want to just be her friend and he wasn’t willing to sit back and watch someone else move in on her. He’d been scared about possibly breaking her heart and making everything so much worse if it hadn’t worked out.
And here they were. Just like he’d feared.
There was something strange in the way she said ‘alright’ and the way she shoved her brush into his hand. Was he not supposed to say yes? Was he supposed to claim they weren’t friends? Merlin. Benji felt a headache coming on as he tried to decipher any sort of subliminal meaning in her ‘alright’. There was no softness to her word, as there had been in his. It almost felt like…a rebuff of some type, and he didn’t know what to make of it.
"Finish up. I'm going to collect my things from the barn. I suppose I'll grab yours, too. You're sitting with me and Ren at dinner later, don't make us come looking for you. It'll be a hassle while starving."
Benji blinked. The casualness of her words stung against the harsh feelings in his chest that told him this wasn’t as easy for him as it was for her. He watched her go, not quite understanding what had just happened. One moment they weren’t talking and the next…why was he having dinner with her and Ren? Yeah, he’d said they were friends but these things took time, right? You couldn’t just force broken pieces back into alignment without some sort of bonding agent. Things needed to go slowly, they needed to have time to not hurt.
His eyes followed her until she turned and disappeared from view, confusion coursing through his chest. He didn’t want to be bloody friends. He didn’t want to sit at dinner with her and Ren and pretend everything was fine. He didn’t want to play whatever stupid game this was.
He wanted her.
But she didn’t want him.
Benji’s hand resumed its careful strokes, as he felt the pressure in his chest tighten.
RE: I Told You Things || Bae Snaps - Ruth Elliot - 10-24-2025
Saturday, February 26, 1921
Below her favourite willow, the gardens
3:30 PM
Below her favourite willow, the gardens
3:30 PM
They'd said friends.
They were being friends.
It was a deliberate and conscious effort on her part. Every morning that she'd risen since the confirmation in creatures class, Rae had gone out of her way to engage Benji. It didn't have the same intensity as the girl who once haunted every corridor in which he walked, clawing for his attention. Now, it was something more controlled. Sometimes, she sat with him in their classes again. At the meals they were together for, she shared pieces of her day and the frivolous things that bothered or delighted her throughout their days.
In a manner of speaking, she was modelling the behaviour she hoped they would fall back into. Rae wanted to believe that with enough time and consistency, the smiles would become real again and that the jokes wouldn't be so stiff.
They'd come back from many things, horrible blow-ups, nasty words, and each time they'd found their laughter again. They'd learned to be genuine again, to let life happen and take it step by step. This was only the latest, and while it hurt the most--they'd fallen much further this time from where they'd stood--Rae was tired of feeling bad and foreign and 'othered' in a friendship that was once as easy as breathing.
She wouldn't leave it to fix itself. Seldom was life that easy. The girl knew that some things required more force of will and effort.
Rae had decided against waiting around to watch her friends after her spellcaster's drill. She'd invited Benji to the garden to spend some time together and didn't want to be late meeting him by the double doors.
Until this was fixed, she was equally determined to reclaim whatever comfort she could. Keep the good, discard the bad, think about none of it. The girl who lived on instincts did so now. She felt like giving her afternoon to some flower crowns and the scent of licorice and fresh grass. That was what she wanted, so that was what she'd have.
For her, it was that simple, and she refused to make it any more complicated than that.
Rae led him through the garden's entrance, her fingers loosely entwined with his. "The hippogriff ride was the best part, hands down. You think Barlowe would let us take one for a ride for real if we offered to clean the stables for a month?" Did she want to commit for a month? Hmmm, she'd give it more thought.
She cast a warming charm around the general area when they arrived at her willow, wanting them comfortable so he wouldn't be in a hurry to leave. When disgruntled, the boy found it easy to find excuses for everything.
Rae nudged him lightly to sit.
RE: I Told You Things || Bae Snaps - Benji Laurence - 10-25-2025
They'd said...friends.
He was doing everything he could to meet here there. He was showing up for meals, plastering smiles on his face, and forcing jokes and laughter when it was appropriate. He sat with her in classes whenever she wanted, and...it was starting to feel a little like how it was, before that summer. Not enough to make him comfortable, and certainly not enough to chase away the feelings he had for her, but it was something.
Something that didn't leave him out in the cold with her. Something that still allowed him to be close to her, even if not in the way he wanted. Something that...apparently let him hold her hand like this.
Benji tried not to focus on the way her fingers intertwined with his, the familiar warmth of her palm against his threatening to take him to a dark place he didn't want to go. It had been hell. The boy had never felt so empty, so lost, so...unlike himself since he and Rae had called it off.
A part of him may have wondered in the times they had big blow-ups if he really would be happier single and on his own. His mind had built scenarios, what it would look like. How it would feel.
None of them had looked or felt like this.
"The hippogriff ride was the best part, hands down. You think Barlowe would let us take one for a ride for real if we offered to clean the stables for a month?"
Benji forced a small laugh, "Yeah right. Barlowe would sooner see us hanging upside down from his barn than let us take his hippogriffs out for a ride." Benji knew good and well where he stood with the man. He wasn't on the professor's bad side, persay, but the man didn't trust him with his creatures, and for good reason.
She tugged him to sit, and he went easily, his arm raising momentarily with muscle memory to drape around her shoulders, before reality hit him again. Instead, he dropped it to his side and leaned back against the willow's trunk. "I think sometimes people need to have more faith in us." A real grin spread across his lips as he moved his gaze to capture hers.
"They always underestimate you and me."
RE: I Told You Things || Bae Snaps - Ruth Elliot - 10-25-2025
It wasn't the laughter that made her insides melt, but she would take it. When Benji sat down, Rae crouched and then nestled herself into his side. The girl had spent the remaining days of her week trying to figure out how she could get this moment before realising...she was thinking too hard about an exceedingly simple task.
She had always been unapologetic in her actions. From the youngest ages, even when her cheeks had burned with embarrassment or her heart thundered wildly with uncertainty, Rae had learned to take anyway. She'd learned to reach atop that counter and swipe what she could, to curl into the sides of people who'd surrendered her for a pack of smokes or a few shillings because the winter was colder than her anger could burn.
Now was no different. She knew what she'd said and what they'd agreed on. She still remembered the way he'd tossed her off his lap to avoid being close to her. Rae still remembered the sting she felt at his rejections. They simply no longer outweighed her desires for closeness. Maybe he'd pulled away again, sighing in the deep and exasperated way that always made her feel like she was too much--hell, maybe he'd even remind her of what James had said and throw the book on propriety at her.
Until then, she leaned into his shoulder and conjured herself three bouquets of her favourite flowers, content to indulge herself.
The winter wasn't done asserting itself, and many of the plants were still in their slumber. The few that held their ground against the frost deserved their place. She wouldn't pluck them over crowns that would wilt, not when she could create crowns that vanished with time and caused no harm.
She plucked a yellow carnation by its stem.
"It'd take a whole lot of effort for him to have us hanging, don't you think? Unless we held still and made it easy for him." Which neither had ever been inclined to do. Rae had no intention or interest in accosting their sleepy professor, but she was also realistic enough to know that she and Benji were the squirmy sort Barlowe preferred not to deal with.
"I think sometimes people need to have more faith in us. They always underestimate you and me."
"I couldn't agree more. I think we're perfectly capable of anything, for better or for worse, and it'll serve them well to remember that." She wove the stem around a second caranation, this one purple.
"We'll conquer the world someday and no one will be able to figure out how because they weren't paying attention."
RE: I Told You Things || Bae Snaps - Benji Laurence - 10-25-2025
"It'd take a whole lot of effort for him to have us hanging, don't you think? Unless we held still and made it easy for him."
Which neither of them would do. Professor Barlowe wasn't the sort to run after them, and would sooner complain to Julia who would and had chased after him before. The man was the type to let retribution come naturally, and often that meant being forced to return to the scene of the crime and shovel pens for a few hours. "True," Benji said, his muscles relaxing as they fell into an easier conversation than they had in a few weeks. "But don't underestimate him when it comes to his creatures."
He was content to stay there, watching as she conjured a few bouquets of flowers, noticing the bracelet that she hadn't taken off. It was the slightest flicker of warmth that ran through him, that told him...maybe they weren't completely lost. Maybe she just needed some time to adjust and -
She leaned on him, snuggling up to his shoulder. His eyes widened slightly, looking down at her with confusion mulling around in his chest. He froze, not sure what to do or think. She...she had said she didn't want him anymore. So, did she now? She did, didn't she? Rae didn't lean on him when she was angry and didn't want him.
Relief flooded him, in a way that would be visible to the girl as he slung his arm over her shoulder and planted a kiss on the top of her head. Finally. This was over, and they could go back to being them.
"I couldn't agree more. I think we're perfectly capable of anything, for better or for worse, and it'll serve them well to remember that. We'll conquer the world someday and no one will be able to figure out how because they weren't paying attention."
He smiled, moving to pull her in a little closer. "We will. Two kids from nowhere with an empire under their thumbs." Her warmth melted into him, and he breathed a deep sigh of contentment, slinking down a bit, to get more comfortable. They'd figure this out, however long it took.
In the meantime, Benji was just glad to have his girlfriend back.
RE: I Told You Things || Bae Snaps - Ruth Elliot - 10-25-2025
The kiss at the top of her head didn't go unnoticed. In the stillness of the garden, away from all the chaos and castle life, how could she? Rae looked up at him from the top corners of her eyes, their gazes never meeting because of the angle at which she sat. Did Benji kiss all his friends on the head? Was this how he maintained relationships?
Her mind thought about it for a fraction of a second before she pulled it back forcefully, refusing to let him or rumination ruin her artificially warm afternoon. The girl was there to enjoy some peace and some company. Anything else was more than she'd signed up for and far more than she was willing to participate in. Let it be someone else's worry. Rae was done ascribing meaning to things just to find herself heartbroken and disappointed after. Her life had been full of both already, and her stomach was full. She didn't think she could have even the smallest bite more, not when peace was so delicious.
Rae didn't stiffen at his affectionate gesture; she ignored it. Nimble fingers continued their delicate work, twining stems together until they became one. She wove her peace as carefully as she wove her crown, threading piece by piece while she tuned out the rest of the world.
Ahh...it was a good day.
Rae nodded readily to the talk of Barlowe and his pets. While she was often cheeky and sometimes provocative with the man, she knew well enough not to mess around with his creatures. Some lines weren't worth crossing.
"We will. Two kids from nowhere with an empire under their thumbs."
Her expression fell. An empire. 'Their empires'. Under their thumbs. It was the biggest joke. Her careful weaving paused a moment, her finger hovering over the next flower as she tried to remind herself that she was having a good day. Of course, he'd find some way to ruin it. Of course.
"Fuck every empire that ever rose," she said with stubborn disdain. Rae plucked another yellow carnation from her lap, for the first time stiffening against him, though she refused to ease off him. He'd missed the entire point of her sentiment and had turned it into something ugly. Worse, he failed to see the cruel irony of the empire having him under its thumb. "I don't need crowns, titles, or someone else's money to conquer the world." And he didn't use to think he did, either.
This wasn’t her Benji, leaning into someone else’s power and claiming it for his own. The boy she loved understood he was strong enough on his own and could claim whatever he could fight for. It had been a statement for them both, a declaration that they would survive and carve out for themselves their own piece of ground that no one had to hand to them. It was them against the world...at least...it used to be. Now it was her against the world and him hiding in his ivory tower, waiting for someone else to make him feel strong.
Nothing had changed, nothing would change. This was who he was now, and she would have to accept that the boy she’d fallen in love with was never coming back. Her Benji was dead, and the shadow of himself had risen.
How could she have known when she’d encouraged him to embrace the position being offered that it would consume him so completely before churning out a boy she couldn’t recognise? If she could've gone back in time, she wouldn't have warned him not to, but she'd have tried to stress the importance of keeping the parts of him that mattered, the parts of him that glowed with an indomitable spirit that drew her in like a moth to a flame. For a boy who once couldn't be tamed, he'd fallen easily, and it was yet another thing with which she would have to reconcile.
"Forget I said anything. I'll conquer the world myself." He could sit there and wait for his uncle to carve him his piece. "Billie and I are going back to Africa this Easter. We're gonna be checking the progress of those nundu cubs we rehomed. She says they'll already be so big. Probably won't remember us, but I'm hoping they do even a little."
There. Now he could comment, then share something about his Easter plans. It really was meant to be that simple.
RE: I Told You Things || Bae Snaps - Benji Laurence - 10-26-2025
"Fuck every empire that ever rose."
Aaaaand, here they went. Benji sighed a long-suffering breath as he dropped his chin to his chest. He'd gotten his hopes up too soon. She was still mad, still resentful, still...Ruth Elliot. Benji ran a hand over his face and then pushed back his hair, sitting for a moment and trying to steady the frustration he could already feel rising.
She got it, right? That this was who he was required to be now? That...an empire would be his? That if she didn't like it, didn't want to be a part of it, they couldn't be either. Right?
"I don't need crowns, titles, or someone else's money to conquer the world."
Right. Benji knew well she wasn't just speaking for herself. She was criticizing him, and the world he'd been brought into. She was lashing out at the idea that Benji Cuddrun was gone - or at least stifled and tucked away, while the Benji Laurence in his place was doing his best to acclimate and adjust to the life that lay ahead of him.
Could he blame her? Part of him did, he guessed. He wasn't that evolved. Part of him resented her for not understanding, for not just accepting that life was what it was - for both of them now. There were parts he didn't like of course. Parts he'd rather not acquiesce to. But he hadn't been in the game long enough to know what he could push back on and what he couldn't. Someday, he knew he would but now?
"Forget I said anything. I'll conquer the world myself."
Not with him.
Benji dropped his arm from her shoulder, leaning back against the tree as he crossed them in front of him instead. He tilted his head up, staring up at the ever-changing clouds, realizing that this was a war he wasn't going to win.
He'd known that - always, hadn't he? From the beginning, he'd known, somewhere deep down in his gut that he and Rae would never work. He knew that it was inevitable that something would blow up, something so irreconcilable that they'd never be able to find common ground or a compromise. He'd tried to fool himself. Tried to tell himself that somehow, someway, they'd figure it all out.
He was wrong. And it was time he finally accepted it.
She was talking - about Billie and her upcoming trip and all the things he didn't really care about in the moment. He wanted to talk about them, about the things that actually mattered, but...he supposed maybe they weren't even those sorts of friends.
They were shallow now. Surface level. Talking about Easter plans and bullshit that he talked about with everyone.
"I hope you have fun," he said, his voice flat and devoid of any enthusiasm or sincerity. He could share his Easter plans, but she'd made it clear that she hated everything that his life was now. Why bother? She'd find something else to pick apart.
What else was there to say?
Benji didn't go deep with his surface-level friends.