am i missing | benji

early february 1921
during lunchtime

"Christ," he exhaled, claiming the seat beside the badger.

"You look like you're in a rush." Benjj had seemingly arrived ahead of the crowd and was chomping down his lunch like someone locked up in prison. There was a gleam to his eyes, looking towards the entrance more than his own food. Evan sighed, already guessing what this was probably about.

"What the 'ells going on with you and Rae, mate?"

It was better to cut right to it than waste any time with bullshit small talk. He owed his chum that level of respect. Benji was one of the few people Evan could ever count on and there had been plenty of times both had come to rely on the other. He had kept quiet on it for a while, but considering his last exchange with Rae and seeing him now, he needed to sedate his own curiosity to see what was bothering the normally happy couple.

"If she bitches to me anymore about you, I'm going to have to start charging her." His tone was teasing, but Evan didn't bother getting himself comfortable if Benji would prefer not to talk in such a social space. Not that the Slytherin ever cared about that sort of shit.

"What happened? You fart in front of her or something?"

Benji's eyes flicked to the right as Evan slid in beside him, his mouth full of the chicken salad he'd just shoveled in. He was...fine. Genuinely. Just...having a difficult time straightening things out in his head, but he was finally getting there. It was fine. Really.

Perfectly fine.

"What the 'ells going on with you and Rae, mate?"

The boy nearly choked, fighting to get his food to go down the right tube and then taking a long swig of his pumpkin juice for good measure. He and Evan were good friends, had been for years, but whenever they'd talked about Rae it usually wasn't super serious stuff - unless it was Benji doing the bitching.

Apparently, it was Rae and she had given Evan an earful. He grinned sheepishly and gave a little shrug. "Yeah, sorry mate," he said, dropping his goblet down and resuming his lunch. "I'm trying to figure it out."

"What happened? You fart in front of her or something?"

It brought a chuckle out of the boy that he hadn't heard in awhile. If only it were something that stupid. "Nah, that would have been a better scenario," he said, breaking off a piece of his bread. "I'm sort of in a rough place you know? My uncle...he's expecting a lot out of me now and," he shrugged again, "I can't really be doing a lot of things I was doing before."

He hadn't expected such a rash reaction. It told a lot more about the situation than he had previously realized. And no, Rae had not simply given him an earful. She'd given him an entire quiver of them until he felt like an emotional pincushion.

Evan almost moved to jostled some of that choking by hitting him on the back, but the moment passed and Benji, for as much as they choked and took little serious, was using the correct sort of tone to let the Slytherin know this was serious.

"I'm trying to figure it out."

He almost blurted aloud what there was to figure out. They were stupid for one another. At least, they had been. How many times had they all sat together, Rae on his lap, Evan in his own chair, a deck of cards and pilfered drinks from one of the professor's private rooms. Or countless other shared moments. If this was going to only get worse, it was in his best interest to gauge the lay of the land before seeing where he fit in.

"I can't really be doing a lot of things I was doing before."

"And by things you were doing before, you mean her?" It was a straight-forward as he could possibly be. For as much as he liked Rae, Evan was closer to Benji. They were far more alike, even to what he was alluding to. The necessity to be what their family expected of them. Except, Evan had long thrown that weight on his shoulders in the bin.

If he was going to really shut her out, where did it end? And, for a second, his usual carefree smile cracked. How long would it be until Evan was seen by the boy's family as someone he shouldn't be associating with? Would the badger have them decide that for him too?

"I understand the whole family dynamic. Trust, I do. But you shouldn't let them decide who the hell you hang out with. Or do stuff with. Getting on your shit, being more responsible? Sure, why the hell not. But you better make sure you know what you're losing."

And, without saying, how much it would hurt seeing them with someone else.

"And by things you were doing before, you mean her?"

"Alright mate," Benji grinned, between his chewing, "Come off it." Evan had always been rather direct, at least with him, and it was a trait he absolutely appreciated. Most of the time. But still, there was no use beating around the bush of truth. "But yeah." He shrugged his shoulders a bit.

"I understand the whole family dynamic. Trust, I do. But you shouldn't let them decide who the hell you hang out with. Or do stuff with. Getting on your shit, being more responsible? Sure, why the hell not. But you better make sure you know what you're losing."

Benji's eyes narrowed slightly, though his smirk never left his lips. "What I'd be losing, hmm?" he asked. Evan was good friends with both him and Rae, and had always easily hung out with the both of them. It was no surprise his mate thought so much of her; anyone that did and had a heart absolutely loved Ruth Elliot. Those that took the time saw the sweet, bubbly, happy girl that she was with a heart and soul of gold. The only ones who had ever disliked her had been the ones she saw through for the shit people they were.

"It's not that simple, Ev," he said with a heavy sigh, dropping his fork onto his plate and running an exasperated hand through his hair. "You know what they'll do to me, if I'm caught yeah? House arrest. For the next three years." He studied his friend a moment. "It has nothing to do with her, and everything to do with me."

As usual, it seemed. The problems with Benji and Rae always seemed to land at his feet.