Mid-October
It was a slow evening in the wing. He’d had dinner before his shift. By Rae’s general mood he assumed she had dinner also or he was confident she’d of gotten the elves to fetch her something. Or if she couldn’t get an elf to fetch it he was certain he would have been sent on a mission prior to now. Now that he thought of it he wished he was sent on a dessert mission immediately just to cure the boredom. Though he wasn’t stupid enough to ask Rae to send him on such a mission.
Still boredom tugged at his thoughts.
Looking over towards Rae he said “ Didn’t see a lull like this anytime I was in the hospital my mother worked at. “ Though part of him was happy that his fellow classmates weren’t getting injured. He was thankful he didn’t have to worry about the skirmishes that could pop out of anywhere here at Hogwarts. Even if last term taught him he couldn’t fully let his guard down. After all, Hogwarts was horrible at hiring sometimes when it came to professors. Which was why he didn’t trust any professor in their first year in the castle at this point.
Probably boredom was why the bad professors didn’t last that long.
He said “ Don’t tell anyone but I spent most my time fetching things and applying basic bandages. “ An embarrassing fact considering that if he had been more capable he’d of learned a lot more. He continued “ Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want my classmates injured, I just wish the healers didn’t do as much swooping in out of their own boredom to take the easy stuff. “
The catch last term he was more than willing to hand people over to the healers and watch only the cases that made him curious was irrelevant. He was bored now. He realized that his time in the wing wasn’t being well spent to prepare him if he considered becoming a healer, and he was oddly considering it.
She'd picked up an extra shift...again. At this point, Rae may as well have moved into the hospital wing--but Healer Graham would never allow it. She'd tried. Apparently, there were limits, even for really good assistants. Try as the Slytherin had to convince the woman that she could be of real use if she were able to work for longer, the healer was firm that she go to her classes, keep up with her other clubs, do something toward her prefect duties, and...have a life?
What even was that?
It was their OWL year. Beyond the 'stern warning' her father had given her and even Billie's gentle insistence that she take them more seriously than she'd taken her previous years of schooling, Rae needed to do well for herself. OWLs and NEWTs were the measure for acceptance into the medical program at St. Mungo's. Only the best scores were selected. She didn't like it, but it meant she couldn't afford to be average. She probably couldn't even afford to be 'good'. If you listened to half of Ravenclaw, every waking moment was meant to be spent with her nose in her notes.
However she split it--clubs, volunteering, studying--she couldn't see how she was meant to 'have a life'. The Slytherin wasn't so sure she wanted one, either. What was the point? Free time to think about the things that still made her so angry?
She was better off changing bandages.
“ Didn’t see a lull like this anytime I was in the hospital my mother worked at. “
Oh, Bear. It was a slow evening, and Rae had lost herself in an anatomy book that Healer Graham let her borrow from her office. She hadn't taken much notice of those around her now that she'd checked on the few patients who were there, but the boy's words pulled her attention loose, causing her gaze to settle on him instead of the diagram of the human eye prominently on display. Sticking her index finger between the pages, Rae turned the book shut and straightened against the counter she'd been leaning against toward the back of the lounge.
"That's a real hospital, though," she countered, her gaze momentarily shifting toward the open door leading back to the patient area. "They've got people coming from all over. We've just got the same idiots, and some of them learn from their mistakes," removing them from the pool of 'forever patients' who practically had their own beds on the wing by now.
“Don’t tell anyone but I spent most my time fetching things and applying basic bandages. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want my classmates injured, I just wish the healers didn’t do as much swooping in out of their own boredom to take the easy stuff. “
Snort.
"Well then, I suppose that makes one of us. I don't mind our classmates being injured at all. 'Least then we'd have something to do." Propped up on a counter, reading? It wasn't her, yet, on evenings like these, it became her. "But it sounds like you did a lot more of what you were already doing here last term." Bear had been new to the wing then. She was glad he decided to stick around. "Don't tell me you've taken a greater interest in healing," she continued, a slow grin forming.
The last time they'd really talked about it, the boy had seemed so...indifferent. He'd played it off as a way to pass time, an expectation from his mother, but nothing that held intrinsic value to the Ravenclaw. It had saddened her a little. Passionate as she was about healing, the girl always felt some type of way when others didn't share that zeal. The thought that he may have changed his mind was about as exciting as she suspected her night was going to be.
"Sounds like someone wants to be more hands-on."
He knew it wasn’t a real hospital. Any time they got a real case it got scooped not only from people like him, but from the whole wing. The big cases went to St. Mungos. Not that he wanted the big cases. He honestly didn’t want to see people as injured as he saw them over the summer. He saw a kid about his age getting pulled onto a stretcher to go to a muggle hospital, he assumed, when he was outside once over the summer. The idea that any of the injuries he saw over the summer could have just as easily been him, made him wish them on no one.
The fact was though he still found them interesting. Which had been a surprise to him and he liked being able to help - another surprise to him. He just had to nod as a slight sigh escaped his lips when Rae said some of them learned from their mistakes.
As even most the cases they got were boring cases. So boring people like him should have been able to do more. He was more capable than what he was being handed.
He said “ We could have something to do if they just let us do more here. I mean having to deal with us instead of healers might help our idiot classmates think twice before doing stupid things.“ Or mostly him do more. He certainly wasn’t in the mood to just study during these shifts. Even if they were his most productive study time as he always seemed distractions wherever else he tried to study.
He wasn’t so sure about interest. He was sure he wanted to do something more hands-on. There was a part of him debating how he wanted to be something more than he’d been considering which was just working with his grandparents in there clock shop.
He said “ I just figure if I’m going to do something. I want to do it not just watch others and fetch things when I know I could be more a help. It’s a waste of my time. I’m a fast learner when I’m doing things, we all know only reason I’ve done half my reading this term is boring shifts here. “
Then he paused unsure if he should have said that part. Part of him was rather certain if that got to certain ears he’d have more wing shifts just to get him to study. As it was the one place he actually stayed reading, as in the library he usually found some distraction with someone asking for help with something.
He sighed and said “ I got to do a bit more than here. They did let me brew some things and clean some nasty injuries. Though I hope we never see anything like those here. Just got too many of those a couple of times. “
Rae couldn't fault his logic, in some ways. There were some volunteers that the girl knew could convince their patients into greater caution, if only because they didn't want to be put under their care again. No one could blame them either. Some people...should...be left on bedmaking duty, for the good of everyone else.
"If no one does stupid things, we'll have even quieter shifts," she pointed out. It was the great paradox of healing. You wanted others to be better, happier, healthier. There was a drive to eradicate injury and disease, but in doing so, you removed your purpose. The moment you achieved that fairytale utopia, your own existence became hollow, and new goals were required. The easiest evidence of that was Bear's complaint.
Technically, quiet was good. Quiet meant their schoolmates and friends were safe. They weren't in pain, not looking death in the face with a grimace. It also meant a lot of free time on their hands to contemplate how much more they could be doing.
"You know what? You sound a lot like me when I first started volunteering here." She wasn't trying to patronise him by any means. Rae was reminiscing. Back when she had more enthusiasm than knowledge and was eager to help but could barely get the corners right when she spread the beds. It all felt so long ago now. The Slytherin marvelled at just how little she used to know. "I didn't want to be fussed with running back and forth from the apothecary's storage like some owl or some send-out. I hated getting shooed away when players came in with quidditch injuries, even when I was the first one there."
That had always been the most aggravating part for her, finally stumbling on a patient only to have them poached by an older, 'more experienced' volunteer or the nurses themselves. She got it now, just as much as she got Bear's restlessness. Once you started, you didn't want to keep running into stop signs and things you 'couldn't do yet'.
There was nothing either of them could do about it, though, what with the new healer so hell-bent on turning this into a real programme, so she chose to focus on the next thing he said.
“ I got to do a bit more than here. They did let me brew some things and clean some nasty injuries. Though I hope we never see anything like those here. Just got too many of those a couple of times. “
"Tell me about that!" she said, her eyes sparkling with new interest. "I'd almost forgotten you said your mum would be letting you help. What were the injuries from? Did they let you stay and watch even when they wouldn't let you help? My summer wasn't nearly so productive."
It had been a scene straight out of a nightmare.
"Don't spare me the gorey details."
He nodded. While he was certain his classmates becoming smarter and doing less stupid things would make shifts quieter he oddly wanted that. He just wanted to at least get to do more for the accidents. There would always be accidents especially with teenagers waving wands - or any number of dangerous lessons the professors thought were a good idea.
He raised an eyebrow when Rae compared him to herself when she started. Wasn’t Rae one of those over ambitious first years? Sure he’d been a little more ambitious in his first year though it was limited to classes and a desire to push himself to cast spells better than his classmates. Which hadn’t worked out as studying theory and focusing on classes wasn’t as he learned as a first year the path to being an epic wizard. Then he realized later he didn’t want to be that epic wand waving wizard who could do everything. Naturally he’d deny that being perpetually behind his more skilled peers magically likely factored into him giving up the ambitions he held as a first year.
He also wasn’t a first year now. He was a fifth year being treated like one. Actually, they were all being treated like first years half the time by the healers it felt like at least to him in the name of what? Education? Hardly.
He said “ Exactly. “
Though he let it drop. Mostly as Rae distracted him with a more entertaining discussion which was him telling the gory tales of his summer. He said “ A lot of it was bruises and breaks from being hit with things, or bloodied cuts and gashes. Oddly alot of fire-based hexes got tossed about too. “
With a chuckle he said “ It was so busy they didn’t have time shoo people away. Even got to hold a few things closed as they stitched them. “
They wouldn’t let him try stitching though, he did ask. Naturally that went unsaid.
He said “ The goriest thing was there was this person who got hit with a fire hex and was badly burned. Then either someone sent glass bits at them, or they fell. There was a debate over that, but by when I came in the next day it was too busy to ask. I had to get the glass out with tweezers and clean the wound. It was gross. “
Rae was hanging on to his every word. Until recently, all the girl had been trusted with were simple cuts and scrapes, the administering of the occasional pain potion and a lot...of bedsheets.
In fact, it was safe to say that, during her first year helping Healer Blustwick, the kind elderly woman had made her feel more like a house elf that sometimes got in the way than someone making any real difference on the wing. In some ways, she now knew that sentiment to not be true, as the little things helped the bigger things flow more smoothly, but it didn't make her any less eager to really get into it.
Over the summer, it sounded like Bear had gotten to do just that. While she'd been clothed in fine dresses and paraded to people she cared nothing for, while she watched the girl she shared an unfortunate relation with take something very precious from her and the boy she loved, Bear got to handle gashes and burns and hold wounds closed for stitching.
OPEN. WOUNDS.
Given the choice, she'd have traded places with him in a heartbeat. Let Bear attend the fancy galas and have a man he barely knew tell him why his behaviour wasn't acceptable. She wanted to be elbow-deep in injuries, assuring people they'd be alright while displaying all she'd managed to learn in her time on the wing.
“ The goriest thing was there was this person who got hit with a fire hex and was badly burned. Then either someone sent glass bits at them, or they fell. There was a debate over that, but by when I came in the next day it was too busy to ask. I had to get the glass out with tweezers and clean the wound. It was gross. “
"...Whoa," she breathed, openly awed by all he'd managed to get up to. "You were living the dream."
Even on really bad days on the wing, it was rare for anyone to really injure themselves, and when they did, they were immediately and unquestioningly the job of the healer. No exceptions, no excuses, no distracting whining about how unfair it was while she worked. She suspected the rules were similar for volunteers who went to real hospitals, but it sounded like Bear had been able to get past at least some of the red tape.
"But...wait a minute. I thought you said they had you fetching things and applying bandages? It sounds like you got to see and do a whole lot more than that. No wonder you're complaining about a quiet night here. You've gotten to be in on some of the real action."
The folks in his area had been busy in the warm months, and it had given the boy enviable experience.
"If I'd gotten to see all that, I wouldn't care nearly so much about being someone's send-out after."
Seemed like a fair enough trade to her.
Was that the dream? Was seeing the things he saw over the summer a healers dream? It certainly had shown and taught him a lot. However, he didn’t want what he’d witnessed to happen to anyone. Though he at the same time wanted more to happen at Hogwarts.
His brain was contradicting itself.
He said “ You’re right. I guess I did more than fetching and bandages. “ It all blurred together and those were the things he remembered doing most. He continued “ Not that I want real action here. However, if something happens I want in. “
He wasn’t going to say his bit more than a month of experience over the summer probably made him better than Rae. It certainly didn’t make him as good a healer. However, he was certainly was beyond being a basic fetcher. Even if he was rubbish at charms which seemed to be the healing branch of magic. A detail that would go unmentioned in the wing. They could figure out his weaknesses if they weren’t going to give him a shot in the first place.
He said “ Exactly. Though using even the first years as send-outs isn’t preparing them for anything. Would you have been prepared for more? “
The fact was he was well aware Rae had been in the wing since first year and was full throttle on everything she did.
“ Not that I want real action here. However, if something happens I want in. “
"Mmm," she hummed, mulling over his words with the seriousness she thought they deserved. She'd been in his shoes, restless and ready to be put to real work. Rae knew more than perhaps most of the volunteers, how it felt to be nudged aside when things got real and that ache to be more useful.
She also knew it wasn't that simple.
At least...now she did.
"Sounds like you'll have to take that one up with Healer Graham. She seems as hard and fast on the rules as the other healers we've had." One long standing and the other gone on to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts after only one year. "You wouldn't be the first since the start of the term to go asking her for more to do. She's always on about the same thing. Liability. Not being allowed to let untrained students do too much. I suppose she's right. None of us have any 'real' training and the first time one of us accidentally injures someone—like real bad—I reckon Hogwarts will have its trousers sued right off it. Not to mention with the trials now, everyone's looking at the adults here, trying to find reasons to call them reckless."
Rae wanted action, real action, but she knew that when certain patients came in, she was required to get the healer so she could handle it. It didn't always feel good but it wasn't worth having the woman cross at her and stripping her of what she'd worked for.
"She'll probably talk your ear off about 'doing the programme the right way', too, like I saw her do with that Hufflepuff last Tuesday. Poor girl only wanted to move up one rank, left with her ears ringing and her eyes watering." Not from sadness, Rae suspected, but likely boredom with how long they'd been locked up in the woman's office.
Healer Graham had been so caught up in her lecture that it hadn't occur to kick her out before addressing the girl. Knowing better than to draw attention to herself—couldn't very well let herself be kicked out—Rae had silently reorganised a few of the files, careful not to take up space in the room.
“ Exactly. Though using even the first years as send-outs isn’t preparing them for anything. Would you have been prepared for more? “
She snorted in amusement.
"The first years can barely cast incendio without scorching their brows off. I wouldn't trust them with anything more than the sheets and the apothecary runs until they had time outside of the wing to get their magic more stable and to become more familiar with their wands." She'd seen what those first years could do. Suffice it to say...she wouldn't want them wrapping her bandages even manually.
"It's the same in the medical programme at St. Mungo's anyway. They won't let the newest recruits go touching and healing as they like. Lots of time's spent learning the theory and observing first."
It was incredible Bear's mother's hospital had allowed him to do real work with the patients but she suspected that had a lot to do with being in a desperate situation and not having the ministry know they'd done it afterwards. Hogwarts's hospital wing wasn't in dire straits and could afford to let the students take their time to ease into the healing.
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