I guess I just can't understand his situation. For obvious reasons, for one, but for another...after all that went on last summer, to just walk away like it's easy. Like he wasn't in tears over this bloke, crying in my arms over him. I mean, I never understood it, but I know he was in pain. I don't know, Cassian. People break up all the time, but when he said it was to keep in the family's good graces, something made me realize I really am the odd one out around here.
Do you really think it was weird that he asked? I guess I didn't think much of it since we were talking about him and his mate, so it seemed almost natural for him to ask. Aside from him not really being invested in the answer. I don't think Julia resents us, for what it's worth. She really just seems worried for us, but it doesn't change how I feel about she's handled everything.
Anyway, I'm so tired of talking about my family and their opinions on us.
I'm not trying to nag, and you obviously know your dad better than I do, but love, he's not a mind-reader. It's like what you always tell me, if I need something or feel something, you need me to share it with you, otherwise you can't help. You shouldn't have to be the adult in this situation, but your dad loves you. That much is very obvious. You didn't see how distraught he was in the hospital when he first arrived and saw you.
Sorry. I know I shouldn't try to interject.
It was nothing with my mum. She wanted to tell me the seamstress was coming later today to take in my summer gala dress that she bought for me. I told her I wasn't going to the gala, so the seamstress didn't need to come.
Hopefully Jessica's not hurt too badly. Amelia always says there's no loss without some small gain, so I guess this means Maddy gets her shot, even if it's under these conditions. Let me know what happens! And good for Freddie getting his fill of snogs. Perks of being the lead, I suppose.
Also, why would I tell you, handsome - especially when I can keep you wondering like this? There went that thought again, just wandering through my mind.
Daydreaming, Rosie
July 6, 1920
It's better that you can't understand. I'd be more worried if you told me you got where he was coming from. Nervous, even. I'm not even trying to understand it. Whatever it was they had going on aside, it's pretty fucked up dropping someone you insisted you loved because you'd rather have a miserable life with money and family that see you as a business transaction. I guess...it's just kind of wild to me, you know? How do you decide you wanna be something like that, but then not have the resolve to see it through? That's the sort of thing you already have to be pretty sure about to even get tangled in.
I don't know.
Maybe I'm ranting at this point. I just can't find an angle it makes sense from. It's the same way I can't figure out why he'd ask about us, unless, I guess, he was looking for company? If you told him you were in the same boat, also realising you'd rather have your family and wealth, maybe then he wouldn't feel like as much of an asshole for what he knows he's doing.
Maybe Miss Laurence is worried, but that was no way to go about it. Maybe she can keep her worry to herself next time. Merlin knows we don't need it.
I appreciate you trying to shove my words back down my throat, gorgeous, (said affectionately, I promise) but there's no harm in not talking to him for now. When he starts caring enough, he'll sit me down at the breakfast nook and tell me he wants to talk. He'll ask me questions and tell me how burdened he is without ever coming out and saying it. Trust me, it's fine.
Wow, look at you refusing all the fancy galas and events. I know you said it's okay, and I'm sure you're holding your own just fine, but I can't help the little ball of anxiety that if you push too hard, they might snap. I believe you when you say you've got this. Just. Worried.
So, final word is Jessica's gonna be in a cast and unable to do much moving around. It's a shame, but her role requires way too much action for the director to let her keep it. She spent most of the rehearsals crying. I thought for sure Patrick would change his mind and just let her do it, but I guess he's also not keen to have her further injuring herself and getting in trouble with her folks. Maddy wants to be excited, but the...uh...wailing made that a little difficult.
None of us is really sure what to do.
I keep telling you what a horrid tease you are, love. Maybe someday you'll finally listen.
Jessica's apparently new shoulder to cry on,
Cass
July 10, 1920,
Hey, gorgeous, just checking in. Freddie thinks you're mad about the Jessica thing, but I assured him it was nothing like that. I know you're probably busy with family stuff. Pierce took some candids of the crew working around the stage. I asked Dad to duplicate the ones he gave me so you could have them, too--you know, in case you wanted to see.
Anyway, he's been insisting I not wait for your reply before clearing things up about Jess and while I'm sure we're not fighting right now, I hope you know it was nothing to worry about. She stopped crying after the second day. Now she just pouts a lot. Much easier for me and the other blokes to ignore.
Catch you later when you've got some time.
Your not-anxious boyfriend,
Cass
July 12, 1920,
So...uh...been a few days, huh? A few of us went out for milkshakes after rehearsal. Dad almost didn't let me go.
I miss you.
Write soon?
The loneliest boyfriend,
Cass
July 13, 1920
Cassian -
Sorry, I’ve been very busy comforting and consoling boys who don’t deserve it.
Talk when I have time.
-R.L.
July 13, 1920,
...Right then. So, upset.
It's nice seeing your handwriting again, at least, but it wasn't like that--not that I think that will matter much.
I'm sorry?
The repentant boyfriend,
Cass
July 14, 1920
What was it like then, Cassian?
Because as far as I'm aware, you two aren't friends. She's awful. She's treated you horribly.
I don't know, I guess I'm just confused why she cried to you, and you allowed her to.
-R.
She didn't come crying to me, she started crying at me because I couldn't get under her radar fast enough. I think there should be some consideration taken for this. It wasn't like I walked up to her and offered my consolations.
Rosie, it really isn't that big a deal.
Still sorry,
Cass
Sorry for making it such a big deal. How silly of me.
-R.
I think we should talk about this. Tell me what's going on in your head?
Trying here,
Cass
July 15, 1920
Rosie? You there?
July 16, 1920
You can't ignore me forever. At least, I hope not. We should talk.
July 17, 1920
Rehearsals are cancelled because of the storm. I've got all day at home for us to chat.
July 18, 1920
This isn't how we fix things.
July 19, 1920
I'm back in my room. The family house elf showed up right after you and Freddie ran off. I'm glad you got away before he could catch sight of you. I don't want to imagine what would have happened otherwise.
Let me know when you're home. I'll keep my notebook on me until I hear from you.
Love Always, Rosie xoxo
Cass - it's almost lunch time. You did make it, right? I'm hoping you just fell asleep.
Love, Rosie
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