It's Just A Talk || Matilda

Friday, November 3, 1920
By the fountain
An hour after the final class

Rae had been paying attention. While the girl tended to be rather self-invested and often inwardly focused, when it came to her friends, the young Slytherin made it her business to be involved. Sometimes, that meant sticking her nose where it didn't belong and making calls that weren't hers to make. Most times that meant seeing problems and speaking up or taking action where it was needed. She had found that, from time to time, people needed a little push to see things for what they were.

Maybe she was wrong this time, and things weren't the way she saw them from the outside. It could all be a big misunderstanding, and Tilly could be more satisfied than even her. Frankly, Rae bet most girls were more satisfied than she was these days, but that was a problem to whine at her boyfriend about, not one she needed to bring up when her focus was on her friend. This afternoon was about Matilda Nordstrom and the injustice Rae had convinced herself the girl was experiencing.

She would eventually figure out how true that was, but until then, there was not a single doubt in her mind. If her friend wasn't happy, that was something that needed immediate rectifying.

Rae sat on the ledge of the fountain, the light sprays of water coating her hair that she'd pulled back into a wild ponytail. Some of it got onto her back, dampening her jumper, but she didn't mind. It was Friday afternoon, and the girl was slowly moving into 'rest' mode after what had been another long week.

At this point, the only thing that kept her going was the knowledge they'd be off for winter break in another more or so. Until then, she just had to suck up the classes, continuing to attend her detentions and find ways to keep herself occupied.

In truth, the latter wasn't particularly difficult. Even with two of her favourite clubs gone, Rae had still thrown herself into everything else. Most of her days, until nearly curfew, were actually pretty busy. After that, she whiled away her time wandering the grounds until sleep was ready to claim her. That was another reason to crave the weekend. Life slowed down a little then.

Rae had passed Tilly a note during Muggle Studies, letting her know they were meeting in the quad and the time. Now she waited, feet dangling off the edge, with the chilly November breeze causing her loose curls to tickle at her neck and cheeks.

Hopefully she wouldn't be much longer.

Meet me in the quad
1 hour after classes ✿

So covert, so secretive.

She was here for it.

After classes ended for the day, Matilda limped up the stairs to the Gryffindor Common Room to change. Taking off the required school uniform, opting for a long sleeve sweater in a deep forest green and a plaid wool skirt since the weather had turned chilly. Grabbing her cloak and bag she ran out the door to find her friend. THANK MERLIN she was off the crutches, but after a full day of walking around the castle a limp usually made itself known towards the end of the day. It was annoying, but she’d take a limp over crutches any day.

Making her way down the stairs, which was far easier than going up, Matilda walked out to the quad looking for Rae amongst the other students. She was easy to find, sitting next to the fountain, looking much more relaxed then while in uniform.

Taking a seat abruptly, her hair long down her back in wild red waves, it blew around her face with the breeze.

“Ok Miss Elliot, to what do I owe the pleasure of your invitation? Are we doing something? Is this about the boys?”

Looking at her friend carefully, weighing her options, it was more than likely about the boys. “Did Benji do something stupid? Do we need to take action and cause some mayhem? I’m more than willing and ready.”

Having never been a patient girl, Rae was relieved when Tilly popped out the door back to the corridor and made her way onto the quad. They had a lot of ground to cover if they were going to write the wrong she'd convinced herself existed. She'd even brought snacks. While there was only about an hour left before dinner, her stomach had already started growling. It would be too hard concentrating if she didn't have some treats to nom on.

Rae patted the spot next to her on the ledge of the fountain, inviting Tilly to have a seat. When she did sit, the Slytherin girl reached for the shoulder bag by her feet and pulled it into her lap. She fished out a pair of cupcakes with cream filling and icing at the top, with light sprinkles, offering one to the other girl.

"They're pretty fresh. I collected them after my last class today. There's more in there if you want."

Rae had already tried one. They were guaranteed delicious.

“Ok Miss Elliot, to what do I owe the pleasure of your invitation? Are we doing something? Is this about the boys?”

"We're definitely doing something and it's definitely about the boys."

“Did Benji do something stupid? Do we need to take action and cause some mayhem? I’m more than willing and ready.”

Perhaps she should've been clearer.

"You're boy." Rae bit into her cupcake. More accurately, she bit into the cream at the top, basking in the burst of sugar that greeted her tongue. This really was one of the better ways to end her week. She waved a hand lightly in dismissal of the call to arms. "Benji's always doing something stupid. We'd never have the time for anything else if we promised vengeance every time he had us rolling our eyes. Do you know he let Kaitlyn smile at him, again, today? Didn't chase her off or anything--swore he was just being friendly. As if anyone asked him to be!--but that's not the point."

And she'd already largely gotten over that. For the most part.

"How are you and how are things with Ren? I don't see you two together as much and I don't like that. You deserve to be 85% of his attention, if not more."

It was a gracious number, one Benji rejected wholeheartedly but it was a work in progress.

"Your boy."

Oh for fluffs sake. This wasn’t good. Taking a cupcake, Tilly pulled the bottom half of the cake off, then flipped it on top of the frosting, making a cake and frosting sandwich… like… thing. Taking a large bite, mouth full of frosting and cake yumminess, she hummed with sugary satisfaction. Maybe if she kept her mouth full she could avoid this conversation all together.

Rae went on about Benji and the stupid shit he got up to. Tilly was well aware. In fact, there were times that she was part of those stupid escapades. Not that she would mention that right now.

“Listen, I know you don’t like her, but Benji loves you, he wouldn’t dare do anything with another girl. He might smile, but it ends with that. Trust me.” Tilly had discussed such things over the summer. He would never cheat on Rae, not only because he loved her, but also he was terrified of her. They all were. Rightfully so. Honestly, it was just smart. She was scary.

"How are you and how are things with Ren? I don't see you two together as much and I don't like that. You deserve to be 85% of his attention, if not more."

With a laugh, full and loud, Tilly looked at Rae… who was not laughing. “Oh, shit, you’re serious.”

Wiping the crumbs off her hands and skirt, Tilly moved to face Rae more. “Things are good, we’re both just so busy. You know how it is. He has all the potions stuff he’s working on, and the apprentice stuff. I have all the Greenhouse duties, not to mention our classes don’t match up much this year.”

Picking at a piece of lint, Tilly tried to hide the sadness, but she really did miss Ren. “I swear everything is fine. I miss him, but the time we do get is great. Even if it is only 15%, maybe 25%.”

“Listen, I know you don’t like her, but Benji loves you, he wouldn’t dare do anything with another girl. He might smile, but it ends with that. Trust me.”

What...on Merlin's green earth...gave Matilda Faye Nordstrom the impression that Ruth Anaya Elliot could be reasoned with when it came to her boyfriend? Who was the devil that whispered in the girl's ear, telling her that Rae...seeing a girl smiling in Benji's direction--worse, him returning that smile like he didn't know what a mean mug was--would do anything but let out the violence she was getting better at containing.

"That's why he needs to learn to keep his lips stationary when she's around. Let me catch him smiling at her agai--let me catch her smiling at him again. A few locks of her hair won't be all I'll cut next time."

But, again, this wasn't about her. This had nothing to do with the lengths Rae was prepared to go to in order to make her point loud and clear for the Ravenclaw girl. This was about her friend and her friend's ultimate happiness. Everything else was neither here nor there. She bit into her cupcake, the sugar a stark contrast to the aggression that had just fallen from her lips.

“Oh, shit, you’re serious.”

Rae blinked, helping herself to the final, vanishing bite of her cupcake. The pastry now sat in the corner of her cheek, while she rummaged for another cupcake. Dark eyes remained locked on the redhead. "As a heart attack." Why wouldn't she be serious? This was a serious matter. If Matilda felt--hell, all she had to do was look--like she was lonely and neglected, that was already reason enough for a call to action.

“Things are good, we’re both just so busy. You know how it is. He has all the potions stuff he’s working on, and the apprentice stuff. I have all the Greenhouse duties, not to mention our classes don’t match up much this year.”

"Bullshit." And she wouldn't accept it, not for her friend.

Rae didn't know how it was. If she felt like she'd gone too long without seeing Benji, usually after a long day full of activities pulling her in all directions, she went looking for him. She hunted him down, got her fix of her boyfriend, then went on her way again. Accepting he was too busy for her was accepting that he didn't want her anymore, and that was a discussion she wasn't prepared to have. Ever.

"If you both wanted to, you would--do you not want to? Merlin, is that it? Are you intentionally avoiding each other? Is it like a soft breakup? You should've told me." This could've been a completely different conversation.

"Even if it is only 15%, maybe 25%.”

It didn't take any great introspection to see the sadness behind Tilly's resolve. Whatever was going on, whatever the reason for the decrease in time, it wasn't by choice. Not the girl's, anyway. "That doesn't sound like nearly enough."

"That's why he needs to learn to keep his lips stationary when she's around. Let me catch him smiling at her agai--let me catch her smiling at him again. A few locks of her hair won't be all I'll cut next time."

Tilly looked at her friend in shocked amusement. “RUTH ELLIOT! You did NOT cut her hair!?” The laugh that escaped was loud and hysterical. She thanked the goddesses daily that she had ended up on the right side of Rae’s affection. Being on the receiving end of her anger was the thing of nightmares.

As the conversation moved on to Ren and Tilly, she tried to explain why they didn’t spend every waking minute together. It used to be so easy. They had all their classes together, they spent hours in the wing, room or requirement or the greenhouse together. They were inseparable. This year, things had changed. Between their studies, the crazy magic that was wreaking havoc on the castle, classes and her constant state of exhaustion, there was just not enough hours in the day.

"If you both wanted to, you would--do you not want to? Merlin, is that it? Are you intentionally avoiding each other? Is it like a soft breakup? You should've told me."

With a huff, Tilly turned so that she looked at Rae more clearly. “Of course not! I love him Rae and nothing will change that. Things have been harder this term. That’s it. I’m sure once the castle magic calms down and my leg is better, we will be able to spend more time together.”

In all honesty, Tilly missed her boyfriend more than she was letting on, but absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that jazz.

“Christmas will be better, he’s coming to Sweden with me and Bram. We will get to spend tons of time together then. No school work, no apprenticeship, no greenhouse duties. Just us. So you really don’t need to worry about us, i promise we will be fine.”

“RUTH ELLIOT! You did NOT cut her hair!?”

"But I did," Rae insisted, her tone matter-of-fact and distinctly lacking in remorse. "Benji was on about ignoring her. 'No need to give people bad haircuts on my behalf'," she mimicked in her best, mocking impression of the boy. She'd even gone as far as deepening her voice, wanting to drive home the ridiculousness of the entire situation. "It's all one big joke to him, I'm sure. 'Kaitlyn's' harmless, we're just friends, you know she doesn't mean it'. That girl knows exactly what she's doing, Tilly, and I'm prepared to give her what she's clearly looking for."

For whatever else anyone thought, Kaitlyn encouraged the abuse. She knew good and well that the boy had a girlfriend, and it never stopped her advances. She'd caught pieces of her conversations with her friends when they shared shifts in the hospital wing. Sometimes the girl went out of her way not to whisper.

What did she think would happen after?

Rae expected some protest from the Gryffindor, but she hadn't expected the girl to be as emphatic in her denial as she was. Her friend, her poor, sweet friend.

"I’m sure once the castle magic calms down and my leg is better, we will be able to spend more time together.”

Rae tilted her head at her, fixing her with a look of mild confusion. "Neither of those things has anything to do with how much time you can reasonably spend together," she said, pointing out the obvious flaw in Tilly's poor excuse for justifying whatever had been going on between the two. "Your legs are busted," sort of, "but his aren't. He could easily come to meet you wherever. A few botched potions and some wonky charms aren't the end of the world either. Are you sure you're okay?"

Because Rae remained unconvinced.

Matilda was trying to convince her of one thing, while the Slytherin was becoming more and more convinced she was hearing another. "I love Benji, too. Doesn't mean I wouldn't feel some type of way if he was avoiding me with shit excuses like the staircases fucking up and taking him to another floor instead."

The weird magic would quickly become the least of Benji Laurence's problems.

“Christmas will be better, he’s coming to Sweden with me and Bram. We will get to spend tons of time together then. No school work, no apprenticeship, no greenhouse duties. Just us. So you really don’t need to worry about us, i promise we will be fine.”

In no time at all, Rae had polished off her second cupcake. Licking at the bit of icing that had gotten onto her fingers, she listened while her friend continued to explain why everything was fine.

"Merlin, Matilda, Christmas is still ages away. You're fine being treated like a used tissue until then?"

Did Tilly love the lack of time with Ren? Of course not. She missed her boyfriend immensely. Last year they were almost inseparable, once they had pulled their heads out of the sand and finally revealed their feelings. Idiots, both of them.

"Neither of those things has anything to do with how much time you can reasonably spend together," Rae said. "Your legs are busted, but his aren't. He could easily come to meet you wherever. A few botched potions and some wonky charms aren't the end of the world either. Are you sure you're okay?"

Shutting her eyes, Tilly let her head fall back, face tilted towards the sky. This was not a conversation she loved. Rae would not stop until she got what she wanted, even if what Tilly was saying was the full truth, Rae would keep going. “Yes, I promise I am ok. Do I love it, of course not. I would love nothing more than to spend every waking moment with Ren, but that’s not our reality right now.”

"I love Benji, too. Doesn't mean I wouldn't feel some type of way if he was avoiding me with shit excuses like the staircases fucking up and taking him to another floor instead."

Was Ren avoiding her? Did Rae know something that she didn’t? They were house mates and had been best friends since the first day at Hogwarts, much like Tilly and Benji. It was what made their group so perfect. Other than a bit of jealousy in their first year, nothing could come between the four best friends.

“I don’t think he’s trying to avoid me Rae. Unless you know something I don’t. We’re busy. The time we do get together is perfect. Quality over quantity and all that jazz.”

"Merlin, Matilda, Christmas is still ages away. You're fine being treated like a used tissue until then?"

Tilly’s eyes went wide. A USED TISSUE? “What the FERN Rae!” Sure, Tilly swore like a sailor in certain settings, and other times things like THAT came out of her mouth. “A used tissue? Is that how you see me? Ren and I are fine. We aren't you and Benji, so things will look different for us. AND THAT IS FINE. Just because we don’t spend every second together doesn’t make our relationship bad, or akin to a snot rag!”

This was supposed to be just a talk, but now Tilly was on the verge of tears or anger or both. Probably both. Having your relationship called into question was not enjoyable. Surely Rae wouldn’t like it either. Not that Tilly would go down that road. “I get that you are concerned. You don’t need to be. Ren and I are just fine.”

"I don't know anything you don't," Rae replied with an indifferent shrug of her shoulders. Tilly wasn't the only one Ren had been a little distant from. The boy, along with whatever had captured his attention lately, had been a bit absent in her forecast as well. It wasn't so bad, she thought, in her case. They shared a common room, and she also wasn't trying to cuddle up with him when she needed to feel loved. On days she saw him, it was good. On days she didn't, she knew she'd see him another time.

Ren was one of her best friends, but he wasn't her person in the way Benji was. It left her with a different sort of hole in her chest where the boy was concerned than she was sure it did for Matilda. She could only imagine how it would be were the roles reversed, but she didn't think the Gryffindor would be any more amenable to punching Ren until he changed.

Not many of her friends shared her ideas on problem-solving. Rosie sometimes looked at her in horror when she told her she only needed to hit Cassian one time for that boy to reconsider all his misdeeds. Her other friend was a lover, not a fighter, and while the redhead had plenty of fight in her, she didn't think she'd be willing to throw hands on the boy.

Pity.

“What the FERN Rae!”

"The word you're looking for is 'fuck'." Helpful friend she was, always willing to lend a hand, even in matters of vocabulary.

Then Tilly went off.

“A used tissue? Is that how you see me? Ren and I are fine. We aren't you and Benji, so things will look different for us. AND THAT IS FINE. Just because we don’t spend every second together doesn’t make our relationship bad, or akin to a snot rag!”

She was certainly right about that. Ren and Matilda weren't her and Benji. They didn't think the answer to silence was a screaming match and tears, punching holes into things and bleeding, fracturing bones, and violence. A lot of people could look at what they had and think it had no business working, that fires that blazed so hot would only continue to burn until there was nothing left. It wasn't for everyone, and not everyone saw what they did in each other. That was fine, too.

Maybe Matilda did like being ignored. Maybe it was the sort of wound that didn't stab at her as hard as it would've stabbed the Slytherin girl. Maybe what they had absolved Ren of anything he was doing, and if that was how they wanted to love each other, she supposed it wasn't for her to tell them they were doing it wrong.

"Take it easy, Tilly," Rae said. The girl cast her gaze out at the courtyard, watching the students who milled about in the late afternoon. "You're right, I was concerned, but...maybe it's not for me to be concerned about what I'm not involved with." And maybe she didn't need to be yelled at for her goodwill either. It was a definite possibility. "I'd only thought to help." She bit into her new cupcake. "But if you say you're fine, we can drop it."

"The word you're looking for is 'fuck'."

The red head looked at her friend with a glare. “I know the word Rae, but not everyone likes to hear it and we ARE out here in the quad. So excuse the fuck out of me for trying to be appropriate for once.” Bram would be so proud.

Tilly loved Ren, more than she ever thought possible. Of course she wanted to spend every second of her time with him, but that wasn’t possible right now. But having her relationship issues shoved in her face, wasn’t pleasant.

"Take it easy, Tilly, You're right, I was concerned, but...maybe it's not for me to be concerned about what I'm not involved with. I'd only thought to help. But if you say you're fine, we can drop it."

Letting her head fall forward, Tilly rested her head in her hands and groaned. It was easier to tell everyone that everything was fine, but was it? This year was hard enough, with how her summer had gone, nothing had been the same since.

“I know you just want to help, I get it. I just…” picking at a lose thread on her wrist, she sighed. “I just miss him Rae. I mean, of course we still love each other, and want to spend time together, but things have been so wonky this term. Do you think it’s me?”

She really hated voicing her fears out loud. It was easier to blame classes and homework, but maybe it was more. Turning towards Rae, the look of worry and sadness in her eyes clear as day. “I want to think we’re ok, but everything changed after my accident. So you think it’s the scar? Maybe he doesn’t find me attractive anymore? I don’t know. I just want everything to go back to normal.”

“I know the word Rae, but not everyone likes to hear it, and we ARE out here in the quad. So excuse the fuck out of me for trying to be appropriate for once.”

"Fuck 'em," came her exceedingly simple response. Polite society had rejected the girl a long time ago, and she, in turn, had no patience for it. What to say, what not to say, when it was appropriate, with whom it was appropriate. Rae didn't have the patience for those with delicate sensibilities or those who were easily offended. Her language had always been rough, the result of her formative years being spent among the worst and the rawest of humanity.

A girl as direct as her never wasted time on such frivolities.

Another two bites and her cupcake was gone, packed away into her cheeks where she chewed slowly while she let Matilda get her thoughts out.

She knew, of course. Tilly didn't have to confess; she didn't have to admit to anything. Rae couldn't imagine any girl who would be okay with the way things had been going. There was a lot going on, but it was Hogwarts. There was always a lot going on. The lives of the teens and pre-teens within the castle seldom went on hold over it. It was the larger ecosystem of magic at play, something they would have to learn to accept as they moved into adulthood--unless they chose to live like Muggles, and not many of them did. It wasn't the greatest excuse to spend little time together.

Rae snorted lightly, not trying to be harsh in her dismissal but encouraging.

"You're talking about the boy who used to walk around with a pumpkin for a head. I hardly think your freaky cool new tattoo of a mark would be enough for him to decide you're not still cute as hell."

It wasn't anywhere near her face either; it hardly had a bearing on anything. It was kind of like Benji's scar. Most times, she forgot it was even there.

She scooted closer, throwing her arm over the girl's shoulder and letting it hang loosely there.

"I don't know what's going on with him," Rae confessed. "So I don't wanna tell you one way or the other. I will say, though, if you're not happy about how things are going, then it's time to say something." Merlin knew the Slytherin would've been screaming her lungs out by now.

She...didn't handle being ignored nearly as well as Matilda did. The entire castle would know she and Benji were fighting.

"Don't wait for Christmas; go into the holidays already knowing what you're dealing with."