The Daughters | Rae

Saturday March 5, 1921
1:30 PM

"I probably should have warned you it was coming, if I'm being honest," Rosie said with a little shrug of her shoulders. "Even if your father hadn't shown and none of this had happened, they probably would have asked him to break up with you eventually." Her voice was soft as she pierced the stem of the conjured daisy with her nail, shoving the stem of a second one through the new hole.

Her cousin was an idiot. Always had been, even if he was...sweet and absolutely loveable. He was easily talked into things, and James knew everyone's weak points. While she understood the weight of the threats Benji was probably under, no one was threatening to kill him or Rae.

Rosalie couldn't relate or understand why he had given in. She never had. She'd stood in front of her father and told him to his face that she wouldn't do as he commanded. She had never been willing to sacrifice Cassian for them. Why was it so easy for Benji?

"My cousin Thomas had a...girlfriend." A boyfriend, but Rosalie wasn't willing to share that with anyone other than Cass, lest it somehow get back to the family and endanger him. "And when he was supposed to get arranged last year, he had to break it off. They got back together for awhile, but they broke up again this summer. Too much pressure on him I guess." She looked at Rae as she threaded another flower.

"Are you okay?" She was worried about the girl. Having almost gone through her own break up, she could only imagine how much Rae was hurting. The girl covered it up well, but Rosie knew she was as soft and sensitive as she was fiery and stubborn. "You know I'll kick his...you-know-what for you."

There was no need for language when the afternoon was so unusually warm and full of pretty flowers.

It was a warm day, wasn’t it? Rae lay with her head in Rosie’s lap with her curls sprawled around her, surrounded by her own flowers she had conjured for this little meet-up. Hydrangeas today. Whites and lavenders and baby blues. She wasn’t in the mood for bold and striking, choosing softer colours to adorn her curls as they began the process of slowly welcoming in the spring.

"It wouldn't have mattered," she said, plucking another flower from atop her stomach. Rather than immediately bending the stem, Rae brought the white petals to her nose and inhaled gently. Whenever she conjured her own, she was always careful to ensure they carried the sweetness and most delicate of scents so she could enjoy them as she did now.

She liked days like these, the slow ones where nothing really seemed to matter and time itself slowed to a crawl. It allowed her to savour each moment, letting it feed the gaping hole in her soul. "I wouldn't have listened anyway." She lifted the flower to Rosie to have a whiff of the soothing scent for herself before bringing it back to her own face, where she tickled at her nostrils. "Life's full of people always telling me what I can and can't have. What're a few more to ignore?"

In truth, she wasn't all that ignorant of the possibility. From the moment Benji had told her the path laid out for him, she'd had her worries. Each time, he'd assure her she wouldn't get left behind, that he'd take them all with him. He'd told her they'd have the castle someday...and she'd believed him with her whole heart. It wasn't the fancy things that she hung on to, but the promise that when tomorrow finally came, she wouldn't be facing it alone.

And now she was, as she always had. It wasn't so different. Rae was still learning how to walk around in her old skin, but it was familiar and it was hers. There was comfort in the known and in the predictable.

Nothing was permanent, and no one stayed. She'd always known that, hadn't she? It was only a matter of remembering.

"And when he was supposed to get arranged last year, he had to break it off. They got back together for a while, but they broke up again this summer. Too much pressure on him I guess."

Pressure. That was the running theme. Benji was under a lot of pressure, too, and like Rosie's other cousin, he'd snapped. Rae fiddled with the stem a moment longer before bending it into the rest of the floral structure. "Benji joked about his future wife; how they'd find him one someday. I never thought it was a joke, I just also never thought..." ...he'd give in. For the longest time, it really had felt like it would be them against the world.

She shook her head a little, forcing herself to concentrate on her nimble fingerwork. "I'm fine. Benji's not the first person to let me down. If I live long enough, he won't be the last either, you know?" Carefully, she wove the stem inward. "Get enough people doing it and you don't even feel it after a while." Not when they ran and left you holding the bag, not when they welcomed you 'home' with the sort of welcome no child needed. One foot, then the other, over and over, you kept on moving, bracing for the next without ever really looking. Such anticipation only served to darken her skies.

She much preferred rainbows.

"You know I'll kick his...you-know-what for you."

She laughed. "If you won't say 'ass', I doubt you'll be kicking anyone's, but no, it really is fine. He says he's got to do it for his sister; that they'll probably kick them both out if he doesn't listen. I can't compete with that. I can't compete with a castle. I can't compete with the girls who'll smile while he stomps their hearts into the ground, then ask what he wants to have for dinner. If that's what he needs to be happy," she shrugged a little, "then let him be. This makes me happy, so I'll do this."

"I wouldn't have listened anyway. Life's full of people always telling me what I can and can't have. What're a few more to ignore?"

A soft smile spread across Rosalie's lips as she glanced down at her friend, full of more admiration than Rae probably knew. It was funny, knowing how things had started off for the two of them when they first met, compared to where they were now. There was no question that there were stark differences in personality between them, but there was also an equal amount of similarities that anyone looking close enough would be able to see.

"I know you wouldn't have," she said, inhaling the delicate, sweet scent of Rae's flower. "You're not a wild horse that can be tamed." There was much that this world demanded of girls like them, much of it cruel, insulting or even downright barbaric. Some girls managed it better than others. They turned their weaknesses into their strengths and hardened their spirits against a society that would break anything softer. Rosalie knew it was survival, for those who saw no other option or no way out.

Her granny was one such girl. Rosalie loved hearing her granddad talk about her granny when he'd first met her. She was young. Only a couple years older than Rosie was now. Vibrant. Always smiling and laughing. A brilliant French violinist who could bring entire theatres to tears with her pieces. While their marriage was arranged, her granddad had fallen head over heels for the girl, while the girl her granny was died a little more with each year that passed.

Sometimes, when she looked at younger pictures of Elizabeth Auclair, Rosie could see her own bright blue eyes staring back at her.

"Benji joked about his future wife; how they'd find him one someday. I never thought it was a joke, I just also never thought..."

Rae trailed off, and Rosie knew exactly what she meant. "None of us do," she said, admitting out loud what she never had before. "We all say we wouldn't. We all like to think that we're stronger than we are. That we have the nerve to fight for ourselves and our own futures." She tied a firm knot at the end of the chain she was weaving, before poking another hole through the loose end. "But sometimes, when they're coming at you from all the angles you're scared of, you fold before you've realized you've done it."

She wasn't defending Benji. He could defend himself if he felt the need to. But it was cathartic in a way, to be able to talk about some of this with someone who didn't spiral immediately and want to run away from all the problems rather than face them with her. Not that Rae was choosing to face them. They were just talking, and it was nice.

"I'm fine. Benji's not the first person to let me down. If I live long enough, he won't be the last either, you know? Get enough people doing it and you don't even feel it after a while."

"Well," Rosie said, a spot of amusement in her voice, "I believe you when you say you're fine. But even when we we're fine, we can still be hurting." She knew all too well. The routines, the normal day-to-day things. All easy. Made everything feel fine. She could do them without flinching. It was the quiet moments when she was alone with her thoughts that made all the hurt she'd pushed down come bubbling back up.

"He says he's got to do it for his sister; that they'll probably kick them both out if he doesn't listen. I can't compete with that. I can't compete with a castle. I can't compete with the girls who'll smile while he stomps their hearts into the ground, then ask what he wants to have for dinner. If that's what he needs to be happy, then let him be. This makes me happy, so I'll do this."

Rosalie certainly knew better. Benji and Kathryn would never be thrown out. They were Julia's children, and Laurences now. Even Rosalie, for all that she had pulled, wouldn't be thrown out. The family kept their own, protected their own...unless all else was lost. In those cases, no one was thrown out. They simply disappeared.

It would never happen to Benji. He was too important. He was too protected by Julia. It was strange that he still didn't seem to realize that.

"Hey," she said, setting aside her flowers, to play with the curls that lay splayed across her lap. "You know, I don't think you have to compete. I see the way he looks at you, and the way he talks about you when you're not around. He really loves you, Rae." Maybe it wasn't her place to say it, and maybe her friend didn't want to hear it, but it was on her heart. "I'm sure he just needs time to figure himself out, you know? And that doesn't mean you should wait around for him. But boys are different than us."

She hesitated for a moment. "Cass is going through some really bad stuff," she said with a little shrug. "We almost broke up over it. He wasn't honest about a lot of things and I felt really alone." She let one of Rae's curls spring through her fingers, before toying with another. "I don't think he ever meant to hurt me," her voice came soft and almost despondent, "But he did. Because we don't think the same way or always approach things the same way."

She smiled down at Rae. "And Merlin knows you two are like fire and gasoline."

"You're not a wild horse that can be tamed."

Rosie understood. She'd thought Benji had, too, that they were on the same page, but time and external pressure had proven it to be untrue. "You might be the only one left who thinks so. It's more of a hassle than anything else. He just waltzed in and thinks he can decide who I am, what I look like, and how I want to be loved. He thinks if he pushes hard enough, I'll bend." Rae stretched her limbs with an indulgent yawn. "He's wasting precious time that could be spent securing himself a new heir. I heard they take a while to grow and his family's magic," not hers, "is apparently very picky."

She was no one's pawn. Neither was she a doll to be paraded, then put back in a glass case to be sealed off from the world until the next time it was needed.

"I don't know how you lot do it," she continued, intentionally removing herself from such rankings. "Having even your farts planned out from the moment you're born, stuck inside boxes and told you can't move outside of them. I'd go mad. I could never. They weren't there while I was learning to take care of myself, so they don't get to be here now trying to change what I've become."

The girl lying in Rosie's lap didn't appear overnight. She'd been forged in the flames of her childhood. Every strike, every unwanted touch, every rejection, mocking, ridicule, they'd crafted a girl who'd learned how to keep getting back up and how to stand firm no matter how strong the vexing winds blew. She broke before she bent, choosing destruction before surrender.

"But sometimes, when they're coming at you from all the angles you're scared of, you fold before you've realized you've done it."

Yeah.

Just...yeah. What else was there to say?

"I'm not mad at him," she said quietly, her voice laden with contemplation. "He probably thinks I am...probably thinks I hate him now for bending. I don't. We've always been different, you know?" Her gaze rose to meet her friends, a hint of inquisition colouring them. "Has he ever told you what happened our first year? Back when Professor Al-Tajir still worked at Hogwarts?" The signs had always been there, and she'd never resented him for it.

"I believe you when you say you're fine. But even when we're fine, we can still be hurting."

It was a simple truth, one she wasn't inclined to deny. Rae was fairly sure that she was fine, but she was also sure that she was still hurting. Said out loud, it didn't make much sense, but the dichotomy was so intimately known to her that it needed no explanation.

Her gaze, which had drifted back to her flowers, returned to the girl at her gentle call.

"You know, I don't think you have to compete. I see the way he looks at you, and the way he talks about you when you're not around. He really loves you, Rae."

The smile that spread across her lips was small and rueful, holding no hope or zeal for Rosie's words. Those things might still have been true--a part of her wanted to believe as much, but...

"What good will that do? What good has it done?" Brown irises stubbornly returned to her work, her fingers moving into action again. Even now, she wanted to be angry but couldn't bring herself to be. "It wasn't enough. It didn't keep him from making decisions for us without me, didn't stop him from letting his uncle decide how I should be treated. It didn't stop the fear that made him double down and decide he'd rather..." she stopped abruptly, feeling the emotion lodge itself in her throat. The girl swore quietly, silently reminding herself that she'd promised she was done crying over this. "He loved me...and it didn't save anything, didn't make a difference, so what good is it? What good's love when it only works when things are already okay?" She shook her head. "I don't want it, not that. That doesn't make me feel like I matter or like I could let myself be protected and feel...I don't know...safe--not if it'll crumble every time someone else has a problem."

She rolled onto her side, turning in toward her friend and curling up while she listened to her share what she would about Cassian. While they were great friends, Rosie tended to be tight-lipped when it came to a lot of the things in her relationship. It was a rare treat, one she dissected line by line while she listened.

"What made you decide not to break up?" Where had they succeeded where she and Benji and failed?

"And Merlin knows you two are like fire and gasoline."

Glancing up, she caught the smile but didn't return it. Her voice was small when it came. "I'm tired of burning by myself."

Rosie listened quietly, allowing Rae to have her moment and vent her refusal to be kowtowed into a role that she'd never asked for. She could never understand what it had been like for Rae when she was much younger. Rosalie had always had a safe place to lay her head at night. She'd always had family that looked out for her and - for awhile - seemed to have wanted the best for her.

Her world had been rigid, strict and oppressive. But she'd never been on the streets, dirty, hungry and at anyone's mercy who had what she needed. Benji had shared some of his early life with her, and what little she knew had horrified her. In the same way Rae couldn't understand Rosie's upbringing and the only life she had ever known, Rosie couldn't understand Rae's. But there was a glint of knowing. Of pride in her younger friend, for not being willing to let people change her without her permission.

She was so strong, so sure of herself and who she was. Though Rosalie was the older of the two, she found herself in awe of the girl's tenacity and wishing she could be more like her.

"I'm not mad at him. He probably thinks I am...probably thinks I hate him now for bending. I don't. We've always been different, you know?"

Rosie nodded. She did know. She hadn't been angry with Cassian either when he returned to school. The emotion that filled her was something she wasn't quite sure how to place. Disappointment? Betrayal? Heartbreak? She didn't know really. Maybe it was a mixture of all three, but never anger. The girl visibly recoiled at the name, happy to never hear it again if she didn't have to. "No," she said, curiosity suddenly peaking her interest. "What happened?"

Over her short years at Hogwarts and being thrown into the mix of several different social groups and friendships, Rosalie had realized that there were very few things that could wreak as much havoc on a relationship as something so simple as different outlooks. Morals, values, convictions and communication styles always came into play, and if two people weren't really set on making things right, everything always turned disastrous.

"He loved me...and it didn't save anything, didn't make a difference, so what good is it? What good's love when it only works when things are already okay? I don't want it, not that. That doesn't make me feel like I matter or like I could let myself be protected and feel...I don't know...safe--not if it'll crumble every time someone else has a problem."

"I think love is more than that though," Rosie said with contemplation, not wanting to invalidate Rae's feelings, only offer her a different perspective. "Love isn't always the soft feelings and the warmth and the safety. No relationship is perfect. Everyone has their struggles, some more than others. Some louder or quieter than others." She twisted one of Rae's curls gently around her finger. She thought of Cassian and how their relationship had evolved over time. The struggles they endured, the times she'd cried so hard over him she thought her heart would fall right out of her chest.

"What made you decide not to break up?"

It was a question Rosie had asked herself several times since that day in January. She had been so decisive before he'd sat down next to her at the lake. So sure of what she had to do, that she'd even prepared the way she'd say it over and over in her head. And yet, when the time came...she couldn't do it. Why?

She was quiet and slow with her words, as though she were just realizing them herself. "I think I just knew I loved him more than I hated what he did." She was quiet for a moment, dropping her hand from Rae's hair and staring down at the flowers in her friend's hand. "Love is what carries you through the really, really difficult times. It's what makes you stay when it would be easier to leave. It doesn't mean it stops hurting or that the hurt doesn't matter. But when you really love someone, like I love Cassian, you don't measure them by the worst thing they've done."

She smiled faintly. "Love isn't always happy, and it isn't always safe. But it's worth surviving the hard parts for."

"I'm tired of burning by myself."

Rosie shook her head slightly. "I don't think you are. You both just burn differently." It was a lesson Rosie was learning herself. When she felt alone, and felt like Cassian was shutting her out - choosing silence over her feelings - she was realizing it wasn't intentional. It didn't make it okay, but she knew that he was hurting all the same. "You know Benji better than any of us," she said, a smile returning to her face.

"You know that boy is in knots over this. Over you." She tapped the girl's nose with her finger, before picking her flowers back up. "Every relationship is different. We're not dating the same boy," she said with a little shrug, "But you two will figure it out. You always do."

"What happened?"

A lot.

Sometimes, Rae thought back to that time in her life. She'd escaped the streets only to land in the hands of a sadist who'd managed to convince himself he really was the jaded hero in everyone's story. It had been a relief when she'd found out that the man and his whiny little bitch of a son wouldn't be returning, and the castle felt marginally lighter despite all the mishaps. In the end, it didn't make too much difference. Like everyone else who'd meant her no good, Rae had learned to ignore his presence beyond what was necessary.

"He stuck us both to chairs and forced us to write lines in our own blood." Boundaries had always been something the man struggled with. "Benji cried because of how much it hurt, said he couldn't take it and begged to stop. I didn't. If I hadn't been worried about Benji, me and Al-Tajir would've been there all night." She didn't share the story to make him look bad, or even to brag about whatever fortitude she may have had contained within her. Rather, it was the earliest aand one of the clearest instances she could think of. "I knew then that we didn't treat pressure the same way."

In truth, there were many things they did and saw differently and it had led to friction over the years. "I'm not..." she paused, wondering how best to express the storm that swirled inside her. "I'm not surprised, not really. It's kinda...always been him, you know?" Benji folded under pressure. He ran. He ignored. He avoided. She knew that and had learned to work through it, but for the first time, it didn't feel negotiable. It didn't feel like if they talked about it long enough and he was earnet enough, she could accept what he was asking of her.

"I think love is more than that though. Love isn't always the soft feelings and the warmth and the safety.

"That's the point," Rae said. "It's meant to be more than just the good times. It's meant to still be there when things go bad, still pushing through, still fighting, not lying down and waiting to die. You can't only swear you're in love when it's easy and promise to be there then abandon someone because someone else told you this is how it is now."

But Rosie wasn't done.

Rae could only feign ignorance of the implications of the girl's words for so long. It hadn't escaped her notice that she too was refusing to push through this hard time. Benji had come in saying he didn't have a choice, that he could lose his home and the safety of his sister. Those weren't little things; they were massive. If you loved someone...you should've been willing to stand with them through the dark things, shouldn't you? If her heart only beat for him like it so often proclaimed, shouldn't it have been jumping at the chance to make things easier for him?

Why didn't it feel that simple? Why wasn't it?

"Love isn't always happy, and it isn't always safe. But it's worth surviving the hard parts for."

"I can't," she said, her force cracking from the force of her frustration. Frustration at herself for potentially being the one to have failed again? Frustration at the boy who hadn't been able to stand with her and give her what she needed? Frustration at the world, perhaps, for the impossible choice it had given them? It was hard to say but the girl turned fully, burying her face in her friends lap.

"I can't, I really can't. Where does it end? Today it's how he can touch me. What will it be tomorrow? What will it be the next time they decide they know better about what neither concerns nor involves them? Some day, if they present him a girl with a pretty title they'd rather have--I can't, Rosie. What would I do then? Walk away because it's what someone else wanted? Get discarded because he'll never stand up for himself--for us?" It sounded like a truly miserable future.

Rae wanted to be the girl who stayed through thick and thin, the one that meant it when she said 'ride or die' but to what end? So she could appease a man who liked nothing about her but her blood and another who cared only for his own dynasty? So grown men could continue invalidating her while Benji stood by watching from the sidelines? So she could enter a life where her value was only what she could bring to others? Just the thought had her skin crawling.

Would they choose her wedding? How many children she was expected to have? When and how she bedded her future husband? Truly, where would it end? When would she become herself again?

"I don't think you are. You both just burn differently."

"Not with this. I'm the only one willing to tell them where to shove their rules. He thinks we should roll over and wait for them to tell us we can love each other again, however long it takes--no matter how long it takes. He seemed...so sure, like there really was a magic switch he'd flip when it was over and all the hurt will just...disappear. I'm meant to accept it and be grateful when I can finally have what others already freely do. He thinks this is how he saves us even though I told him it'll do the opposite. You can't protect something by destroying it. It doesn't work like that."

Finally, she pulled her face from Rosie's lap, flopping onto her back once more and training her gaze toward the sky.

She wrinkled her nose at Rosie's tapping.

"There's no figuring this out, not if he insists we do everything his uncle says. I fought too hard to spend the rest of my life shackled." This time, it wasn't their mess to fix, it was his. Benji had let the men into their relationship and had decided for her that she no longer had a say so long as someone else continued pulling his strings. Rae had gotten the realest glimpse of the future she was heading for and she wanted no part of it.

"He stuck us both to chairs and forced us to write lines in our own blood."

Rosalie was accustomed to the silence that followed initial shock, but the speechlessness that overtook her seemed to drag on longer than usual. The magnitude of the words, the...gruesomeness of them wasn't something she had ever expected or even could have imagined. She had never liked that man and had always felt uncomfortable around him. She'd never known what Julia had seen in him, or how he and so many other 'professors' like him had been allowed to remain onboard as long as they had.

"He did what?!" Rosalie finally breathed, her expression mirroring the astonishment and disgust she felt. And no one had intervened? Not a single other professor heard about this and tried to do something about it? Did Julia ever find out? Did she know what he was doing to kids?

"Benji cried because of how much it hurt, said he couldn't take it and begged to stop. I didn't. If I hadn't been worried about Benji, me and Al-Tajir would've been there all night. I knew then that we didn't treat pressure the same way."

She would have cried too, but she didn't blame either of them for how they reacted. To be so young and vulnerable and have an adult who was given a place of trust in their lives, do something so horrific...Rosalie was glad he was gone and she'd never have to see his face again. She understood the point Rae was trying to make. They were different. They handled difficult situations very differently. Rosie knew that Benji folded to pressure easier than some. She had seen it before, in the way he fell in line with his 'friends', in the things he did to fit in, and even in the way he was constantly trying to prove himself to their family.

She supposed if she had been raised the same way, she might be similar. Even now, Rosie was a girl that was eager to please, though that instinct had begun to wane recently.

"I can't, I really can't. Where does it end? Today it's how he can touch me. What will it be tomorrow? What will it be the next time they decide they know better about what neither concerns nor involves them? Some day, if they present him a girl with a pretty title they'd rather have--I can't, Rosie. What would I do then? Walk away because it's what someone else wanted? Get discarded because he'll never stand up for himself--for us?"

It wasn't unheard of or unlikely, and Rosalie knew Rae was right to have the fears she did. Benji hadn't reassured her with how easily he bent to James. If Rosie had honey-trapped for her father and uncle, she knew it would have torn Cassian apart. He would have questioned everything; whether she really could stand for them. Whether she could defy her family when it counted the most. And he would have been right to. Rosalie had never wanted to do it, but for the briefest moment, before she'd put herself in the place of a mother, she'd almost agreed.

It was wild, the things children would do for their parents when they felt that had no other choice.

"I'm meant to accept it and be grateful when I can finally have what others already freely do. He thinks this is how he saves us even though I told him it'll do the opposite. You can't protect something by destroying it. It doesn't work like that."

She hadn't meant to upset her. "I know," she said softly, "if anyone could understand, it's me. The thing with families like these is..." she thought for a moment, trying to figure out how to word it. "The victims become the perpetrators. You grow up your whole life being restricted, being told that your feelings don't matter." She swallowed hard, thinking of Julia and the recent things she had shared. "You're told that the family comes first. That your life is never your own. And you love these people who are saying it. So you push down everything that tells you to fight. You hide your pain behind a smile, because - even though they're hurting you, you want to make them proud."

She glanced out at the gardens, as a warm burst of air breezed through her air. "And then one day you wake up, and you're the one in charge. And you tell yourself you'll be different, but slowly you find yourself saying the same things to the younger ones that were said to you. It's a chain that's never broken until someone fights back. Or until they leave." Her hand went to Rae's back and she rubbed gently. "He has to learn how to fight back. And that's not something you can do for him. It has to be all him, or he'll end up the same as them."

"There's no figuring this out, not if he insists we do everything his uncle says. I fought too hard to spend the rest of my life shackled."

Rae rolled back over, and Rosie gave her a small smile. "You and me both," she said with a slight raise of her eyebrow. "We're not their property. We belong to ourselves. I'm proud of you, little mouse. And I'm so sorry you're hurting." She picked up her chain of flowers and took the girl's wrist in her hand. Gently wrapping it around, she knotted off one end, making it into a bracelet for her friend.

"But I have faith in him." She smiled wider, her blue eyes casting upwards again across the unbloomed gardens. "A defiant little shit like him won't be leashed for long."

Rosie’s concern barely registered. In the time the man had been employed at Hogwarts, there were plenty of questionable things he’d done, things no one should’ve been allowed to get away with it. When you had a madman running the castle, hellbent on his own schemes, there really wasn’t much left for oversight. He’d been allowed to run rampant with his sadism then had slipped off into the wider world to be someone else’s problem after.

Good riddance.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. That was a long time ago and those scars are already gone. Even after that, Benji’s always been a runner. I think he thinks that if he’s faster than whatever’s chasing him…then he never has to face it…ever. That’s never worked for me. Eventually you have to turn around and fight. Stand your ground.” she ran her fingers gently over the petals of the flowers she’d already woven in. “Al-Tajir used to hate it. Always trying to find new ways to break me before he realised he was wasting his time.”

So many were only wasting their time but they hadn’t yet realised it. Her father was one of them. He’d waltzed in thinking his money and his titles held any sway. She supposed, with Benji and his uncle they did, but she was neither inclined to fall at his feet nor fawn over the things he could “offer”.

“The thing with families like these is... The victims become the perpetrators. You grow up your whole life being restricted, being told that your feelings don't matter. You're told that the family comes first. That your life is never your own. And you love these people who are saying it. So you push down everything that tells you to fight. You hide your pain behind a smile, because - even though they're hurting you, you want to make them proud."

“Never.” What Rosie had described was the very thing she feared when Benji had explained his reason for keeping her at a distance. From the moment he’d told her that someone else was dictating her value to him and how they were allowed to be, that was the future she envisioned.

It would never end, only worsen. Rosie had vindicated her fears. Without saying as much, she’d cemented for Rae that all of this was bigger than what she could or would endure.

Call it a selfish upbringing, but the girl had never been prone to valuing others above herself. The world had always been a cutthroat place where those who sacrificed themselves for the good of others were often considered fools—or dead.

Her allegiance was unshakeable, but it was also hard won and never handed out for the sake of a name or a relation.

"We're not their property. We belong to ourselves. I'm proud of you, little mouse. And I'm so sorry you're hurting."

Rosie sounded like she was on the same page. In fact, after the initial bump in their history, Rae had been pleasantly surprised to find just how similar they were. Her friend may have been raised the prim and proper type but her soul sang for freedom in a lot of the same ways. It made her feel…good. Like…like she wasn’t just overreacting or being unreasonable but that these demands were the unreasonable ones.

“What will you do then?” she asked, relief giving way to curiosity. “They must have some big rules for you, too, yeah? I don’t see them being so much of a problem for you. Cassian’s still your boyfriend.” So they obviously couldn’t have cared who she was with or what she did with him.

“How come no one’s telling you that you have to be a proper girl whose boyfriend keeps his hands to himself? It’s not fair. I just got him to start thinking I’m worth more than breakfast—and only barely!” And now she was further back than square one and probably couldn’t even complain anymore because they weren’t together!

Rae lifted her arm, allowing Rosie to tie the flower bracelet in place. The colours worked well against her skin, a small treat for her afternoon.

“I guess you could be right,” about Benji not being leashed for long. But, it had already been months and he’d seemed so sure it was his only option. More than perhaps anyone else, Rae knew how stubborn the boy could be. Rosie was right. This wasn’t a fight she could help him with. It was a path he would have to walk on his own. “I hope he comes back. I don’t reckon I like this new Benji very much.”

"Yeah," Rosie agreed quietly, giving a little shrug of her shoulders. She didn't know what to think about Benji and his penchant from running. She didn't know him in the same way Rae did. She knew Benji as a friend and then as a family member. There had never been any reason for him to run away from anything pertaining to their relationship. It was surprising to hear Rae say as much, considering Rosie had only ever known Benji to be a fighter and extremely confrontational when he wanted to be.

It begged the question, she supposed. What was it about Rae that scared him so bad he couldn't face it?

“Never.”

"I don't mean you," she grinned with a little sigh. "I mean like...Julia. And James. And my granny and..." she shrugged, trailing off, feeling a sort of sadness come over her. "Even my cousins. I used to be so close to them when we were all growing up, but they're changing. Molding themselves, you know?" She supposed she would have to, if it hadn't been for the circumstances that she now found herself in. Maybe she would have been strong enough on her own to see through it all. She knew Julia did, but still chose to stay.

It wasn't something she could fathom at this point.

“What will you do then? They must have some big rules for you, too, yeah? I don’t see them being so much of a problem for you. Cassian’s still your boyfriend. How come no one’s telling you that you have to be a proper girl whose boyfriend keeps his hands to himself? It’s not fair. I just got him to start thinking I’m worth more than breakfast—and only barely!”

Rosalie hesitated. She still had to be careful about what information she shared, considering all that had happened and the way Cassian's actions had been swept under the rug for the good of appearances. She still had to protect him with her silence. "They hate him," she said quietly, pulling her lips into her mouth as she sighed, that usual ache in her chest squeezing around her heart. Cassian was the gentlest, kindest person she knew, and her parents hated him without ever having met him. "I'm not supposed to be with him, but there's not much they can do right now, except pull me out of school. And James won't let them."

There was a lot more she could share with Rae. About her actual life. About the things her father and Uncle Arthur asked her to do. The threats that were hanging over her and Cassian's heads now. The way she knew that unless a miracle happened, they'd never accept him. But she didn't. There was no reason to. It was Benji's job to ensure Rae understood the family dynamics if they were going to be something serious one day.

It was Rosalie's job to keep her mouth shut and not speak disparagingly about the family more than she already had.

What would she do? "I don't know. Go to uni, play Quidditch again. And if those aren't options," she thought for a moment, "I'll go wherever he goes. Anywhere." She smiled down at Rae, admiring the way the colors of the wildflowers played off her brown skin.

“I hope he comes back. I don’t reckon I like this new Benji very much.”

Rosie gave a little laugh. "I don't think he'll like himself much once he realizes what he's doing. He's better than this, you know?" She raised her eyebrows at Rae. "So what about you? What are you going to do in all of this?"

"I don't get it," Rae admitted, after listening to Rosie explain watching her family change. She didn't know Julia beyond the warm but snarky librarian who'd stepped in to offer her a quiet place when her world had erupted. James, she knew far less. He was the good-looking uncle of her ex-boyfriend who'd always smiled at her and made her feel welcome in the castle. Now...she didn't know what to think about him. The butterflies that had fluttered in her stomach every time she remembered the way he called her "Ruthie" had rotted. He'd had a hand in her predicament, had been the cause as much as the man who called himself her father was. He'd held security over Benji's head and forced him to make a choice.

That wasn't what family was meant to be. It had her wondering whether Julia was the same. Was it all just a castle full of vipers, in it only for themselves and what they could get out of others? Had she ever really been welcome? The girl hadn't had anything to offer them before--still didn't.

"Maybe I'll never understand and maybe...it's not meant to be understood at all, not if you're a good person." Because that wasn't what good people did. "Good people don’t win, though, not most times.” she continued after a moment. “They probably know that, too.”

That was the only part that did make sense. Rae had seen it many times, the underhanded things people sometimes had to do to get by. Without fail, it was always the ones who tried to be better who ended up worse.

"They hate him."

Rae sat with that for a moment. She let the crown fall onto her stomach, her focus shifting entirely to her friend’s admission. They…hated Cassian? They didn’t want them together. They didn’t want her with Benji. Logic dictated…that they hated her, too. The conclusion fell heavily on her chest, pushing her down into the crunchy grass. It had been a lifetime of being hated for things she couldn’t control, but it always hurt the same.

“…Oh,” she said quietly. It only left her with more questions. Why was it all so complicated? When had her world become so muddled?

“If James won’t let them stop you from coming to school, how come they’d stop Benji? And…if they hate Cassian…what’ll you do? I don’t think they’ll change their minds. Are you gonna break up with him eventually?”

Was that how it was supposed to be? People like them weren’t meant to be permanent fixtures but a means of passing the time?

This was all so…fucked up.

"I'll go wherever he goes. Anywhere."

“Will you?” There was genuine surprise in her tone. "But...you said you're family hates him. Aren't you worried they'd put you out on the streets after?"

That had been the crux of the matter for her and Benji, bridge they couldn't cross together.

"So what about you? What are you going to do in all of this?"

"Me...?" She gave a light shrug, running her fingers along the flower bracelet Rosie had given to her. "There's nothing left to do, is there? He's already decided this is how it has to be for him and Kate. I can't ask him to risk everything for me. That'd be selfish. So I guess...I don't know...I try to move on...? It's not like I have a choice. He's afraid to even touch me, Rosie."

"Maybe I'll never understand and maybe...it's not meant to be understood at all, not if you're a good person. Good people don’t win, though, not most times. They probably know that, too.”

Was that how it was? Despite the skeletons her family had, despite the things they sometimes did or the calculated moves they made, plenty of them were still good at their core. Rosie saw both sides of them. James was methodical, charming and a master at the game. He was also dedicated wholeheartedly to their family and went out of his way to protect all of them. He was genuine in his love and affection for all of them. Julia was sharp as a blade, tactical, and cunning. But she was also incredibly warm, loved hard and had a softness that Rosie was sure she had inherited from her. Her grandfather, her cousins, Edith and Amelia - they were all good people at their core, she thought.

It was just her parents and uncle that were actual monsters.

Still...they all did terrible things, didn't they? Did that make them terrible people despite everything else? Rosie didn't know and figured maybe it was all subjective.

"Yeah," she said softly, with a little shrug. She didn't know really.

“If James won’t let them stop you from coming to school, how come they’d stop Benji? And…if they hate Cassian…what’ll you do? I don’t think they’ll change their minds. Are you gonna break up with him eventually?"

"Um," she found herself growing quieter, realizing she had talked herself into a corner. Shit. She couldn't exactly be forthcoming. Her mind drifted back to that awful night on the dock. Her screams, his shouts, the smell of salt and blood in the air. The squelch. "It's different." She didn't know what else to say, so she tried to continue before Rae could ask questions. "It's really only my parents - and granny I guess - that hate him. James is annoyed about the whole runaway and Julia's always liked him." She bit her lip but shook her head. "I don't care if they change their minds. I'm not changing mine." She wouldn't break up with Cassian. She'd run away with him again if she had to, and the next time they wouldn't be found.

She felt a devilish smile creep in at the tight corners of her lips. "I don't care if they throw me out. They can put me on the streets. I don't need their money or their castle or anything. I just want him." She shrugged. It probably sounded idealistic, but it was the truth.

She'd live under a bridge with him if she had to, but knowing Cassian - and her - they'd never allow those sorts of circumstances for each other. They'd work their hands to the bone to take care of one another.

"There's nothing left to do, is there? He's already decided this is how it has to be for him and Kate. I can't ask him to risk everything for me. That'd be selfish. So I guess...I don't know...I try to move on...? It's not like I have a choice. He's afraid to even touch me, Rosie."

"He'll get over that," she said lightly, giving a little scoff and roll of her eyes. "They all do." She didn't elaborate, knowing full well the boys in her family were all given a similar talk at one point or another. It didn't take long for any of them to go right back to their philandering. Matthew liked to act like he was the well-behaved son of the family. That he was righteous and gentlemanly.

He'd told her stories that said otherwise.

She took Rae's hand in hers and squeezed gently. "I think you focus on you, and what you want. Don't wait around for him. When he pulls his head out of his ass," she laughed at her own curse, "he'll come to you. Mark my words."

Different.

"Different how?" Rosie had to assume she'd ask. The girl was struggling to understand this new world that had forced itself on her and ripped her boyfriend away. Benji hadn't been able to explain anything, only insist that it was the decision he'd made and the only path for them to move forward. That only left Rosie. The girl had lived it her whole life and was now apparently living this business of being with someone when everything else was insisting they shouldn't. Rae had no way of knowing the circumstances that turned them against her Ravenclaw friend but it was enough that the outcome was relatively similarly.

"I don't care if they change their minds. I'm not changing mine. I don't care if they throw me out. They can put me on the streets. I don't need their money or their castle or anything. I just want him."

Or not.

Rae had always known her friend was a good one, that if it came to it, she'd be able to depend on Rosie. She also knew how crazy those two were about each other--had heard enough of it from Cassian, especially in the earliest days when he wouldn't shut up about it. Still, this was big...wasn't it? In her mind, it was as Rosie said. Coming from nothing, the Slytherin didn't mind staying in nothing if it meant keeping someone who made living worth it. Then Benji had yelled his frustration, reminding her that she didn't have anyone else to think about but herself. He was right, of course. For the longest while it had only been her. She'd started to feel selfish or idealistic for thinking suffering was a valid choice for love yet here Rosie sat, unapologetic in her determination to have nothing if it meant keeping the person that warmed her insides.

Maybe it was because Rosie wasn't thinking about anyone else either, but Rae found herself wishing she had a love like that, one so sure. Maybe she would, someday. Someone who stared down dragons for her if they had to, someone she'd burn the world down for...who'd be willing to grab a match and help her.

"You probably don't get this often--not from your family at least, but that's pretty lucky."

To be so sure, even with such odds. Rae used to think she was sure, then the rug got pulled from beneath her feet. Now she couldn't tell up from down, left from right.

"He'll get over that. They all do."

"They?" she asked, her curiosity returning. "Did you have to cut off Cassian, too?" She knew they hadn't broken up but something told her Cassian wasn't the sort to appreciate space. Not like Benji. That boy could hold a grudge for months.

"I think you focus on you, and what you want. Don't wait around for him. When he pulls his head out of his ass, he'll come to you. Mark my words."

Rae grinned at the curse, amused by Rosie's love-hate relationship with swearing. Honestly, sometimes no other words would do. She scoffed, too.

"He'll take his own sweet time about it. I'll probably crack before he does, find a way to get what I want." Patience had never been her virtue. She sighed wistfully, resigned to her role in all this. "It'll be four months soon. When I've decided I've had enough, I reckon I'll just do something about it." She was a girl possessed fully by herself, understanding well the way she worked. Rae had never handled being denied very well, choosing to indulge, regardless of cost. She had no intention of begging, only in getting the things that still interested her.